How to Trim Your Tree

You’ve no doubt already trimmed your tree which means this advice is probably too late but that really doesn’t matter because it’s not going to be very good advice anyway so why do you care that it’s too late? You see what I did there? I made it look like you, the reader, were an ass for being picky about my advice being both awful and late; this is how you move to the top of the corporate food chain, kids.

What better way for a runner to decorate their tree than to do it with race medals? Not only are your medals festive and shiny but they come with a handy ribbon already attached. Plus, now you have the perfect opportunity to tell all the guests at your Christmas party the story behind every triumphant race. Spare no detail because people love it when you talk about yourself. It’s joyous and self-aggrandizing all at the same time, just like Christmas is supposed to be!

Merry Christmas to all of you who are still reading my inconsistent drippings here, you’re my favorite readers.