Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Get off my treadmill! Act 1

This is a two part story because it got kind of long when I was writing it and I was incapable of editing it down, a sure sign of a good writer.

As you know from my previous post I was in South Dakota last week for a little R & R but I packed some workout clothes so that I could squeeze in some running. The hotel website promised a fitness center, which if you travel a lot you know can be hit or miss. In this case the fitness center was a standard hotel room which had been filled with as much exercise equipment as they could squeeze in there along with a few TVs. It consisted of a treadmill, an elliptical, a recumbent bike (who uses those things?) a small sit up bench, a rack of dumbbells and a rack of towels. Frankly, I was happy with the set up as I never know what to expect when I’m at a hotel. My only concern with just one treadmill was that someone else would be using it when I was ready to run, it was a concern that proved to be valid.

On Friday morning we were on our way back from breakfast when I decided to stop by the “fitness center” to see if anyone was using the treadmill. If not, I planned to rush back to the room, change into workout clothes and then go claim the treadmill for a few quick miles. (Yes, “quick” should have probably been in quotes too.) As I entered the room I could hear the familiar thud of footsteps on a treadmill. Crap. Sure enough someone was using it, however that someone was a slightly chubby kid who I was sure was just screwing around and not actually working out. My assumption was not based on his weight but on the fact that he was running on the treadmill barefoot and in jeans. Jeans! As I left the fitness center I couldn’t help but notice that the sign on the door said “Under 18 must be accompanied by an adult” and I’m guessing this kid was roughly 8 years shy.

As I was changing back in our room I contemplated what to do if the kid was still on my treadmill when I got back down there. I figured my options were: 1. Anonymous tip to hotel security that a minor was using the fitness center unsupervised. 2. Go and use the elliptical while rolling my eyes and making disapproving faces at the kid until he felt uncomfortable enough to leave. 3. Be mature and say something along the lines of “Hey if you’re not really using the treadmill do you mind if I get in a few miles?” Mature and I don’t often get put in the same sentence like that though so I wasn’t going with option 3 and option 1 was too much of a prick thing to do, even for me so I settled on option number 2.

I walked back down to the fitness center practicing my disapproving stares and disgusted sighs only to find that the kid had already left. I have to admit I was a little disappointed that I was not going to get to use my new battery of expressions, but resolved to use some of my best ones on my family during the remainder of the trip. (I’m such a joy to be around!) My disappointment was short-lived however as the kid soon returned - without adult supervision!!!

I’ll post Act 2 in a little while, wherein the kid returns and makes an ass of himself, I respond by making an ass of myself and in general everyone’s an ass. It was not my finest moment.


  1. let the passive aggression ensue...

  2. I do so enjoy a making-an-ass-of-one's-self story. :)

  3. I actually use the recumbent stationary bike to warm up at the gym before lifting weights at times. It's good for a low impact warm-up and more comfortable than the seats that they have on the spin bikes.

  4. ooohh! I'm so anxious to read the rest of the story!!

    The teacher in me has absolutely NO problem spewing forth the RULES to a kid doing something wrong. I would have easily pointed out that he was not allowed to be in there.

  5. i'm literally sitting on the edge of my office chair! hurry up, Tomorrow--get here already!

  6. What a teaser! Waiting for Act II!

  7. I hope the kid punches you in the balls for being on his treadmill in part 2. Can't wait!

  8. A cliff hanger? Really?

    Disapproving sideways stare.

  9. This should have been titled "That kid is BACK on the treadmill again!"

    Sorry, hope you get the "Mallrats" reference.

  10. So I'm checking my Google anal ytics (I put that space in there so this post will come up when people search using the term "anal"), as I am wont to do, and I am wont to do that because I want to do it; and I see that traffic to my site today is up like 10,000 percent. And I am at a loss to account for this because it's not as though my writing has all of a sudden become interesting. If anything, it is even less so.

    And then I see that 18 people (which represents 10,000 percent more people than I usually get) were referred to my site by some online ponzi site called "".

    So I wanted to come here and say thanks, Mr. Half-Fast, for sending foax my way and I hope you manage to bilk every one of your customers for every last cent they have (but I hear you're in the financial services industry, so, odds are, you already have - rimshot!). Also, I want to apologize for using your treadmill the other day. But I am NOT fat! Mom sez I have a gland condition!

    Also, my p*ssy-@$$ recumbent bike has a NAME. It's Morrissey, after the p*ssy-@$$ Smiths singer. And I would appreciate your linking to joyRuN's site tomorrow so she'll come here and see my comment re: Morrissey Teh P*ssy-@$$ Smiths singer because it's really not so much a comment aimed at him as it is at HER taste in music.

    If you do link to her site, I would appreciate your doing so using the phrase "killah @$$".

    Because she's earned it by having a killah @$$.

  11. man... I can't even start to predict where this is going...

  12. This would probably get my blood boiling. I will have to check back to see the sequel.

  13. This can't be good! Were you thrown out of the fitness center? By the way, nice choice of vacation spot; I'm originally from S.D.

  14. I know I should probably weigh in with an opinion on territorial treadmill tactics, but I'm too distracted by the fact that in the last sentence in the second paragraph, you really should have used a semi-colon.
    Tsk. I have come to expect high standards from a Half-Fast post, and all I can say about this perfidious punctuation is, "tsk."


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