Friday, February 27, 2009

Video Friday

I don’t feel like writing a post today so I’m just going to post videos that I’ve seen on some of your blogs over the past week. It’s a little bit like plagiarism or stealing but I don’t like those terms so let’s just say that I’m giving some shout outs today. The first video comes from Flatmans Blog and features Lance Armstrong in a SNL skit about the Ironman. Unlike many SNL skits, this one is actually kind of funny.


Say what you will about Lance, but he’s a pretty funny guy.

The next video is from With Leather, a site that I’ve stolen many videos from over the years. This video was shot at the NFL Scouting Combine and features host Rich Eisen running the 40 yard dash. The best part of the clip is after the half way point when they simulcast Rich’s 40 with some of the other prospects that ran it. I don’t know what my 40 time would be, but I’m pretty sure I’m faster than Rich.



Finally, I’ll leave you with a video from Topher at I’ll Run for Donuts. The irony level in this video is off the charts. Comparing a McDonalds quarter pound cheeseburger to running a marathon is almost as ironic as a running blog with an obsession for donuts, although to be fair, I think the blog is now named I’ll Run From Donuts.



You know, now that I think of it, the way that a quarter pounder would run a marathon is pretty much exactly how I ran a marathon, aside from the short shorts. That’s all I’ve got today. Have a great weekend everyone!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Gearing Up

Starting in March I’ll be back on an official training plan and I’m actually excited about it. I don’t know what it is about printing out a training schedule that makes me go run but I just don’t do well without one. Maybe it’s the fact that there’s a race at the end of the training schedule, maybe there’s something about having an official training plan or maybe I’m just lazy during the off-season. I suspect it’s the latter.

On Monday I’ll start training for the Bolder Boulder 10K using the 12 week plan put together by FIRST. Right now the plan is sitting beside me on my desk, calling out to me, ready to kick my butt into gear and then just kick my butt. Right now the training plan (which was printed on our color printer at work. . . shhhh) is unblemished. There are no notations of runs shortened or intervals changed, there are no arrows indicating I moved workouts around to accommodate my occasional bouts of laziness or apathy, but there are also no checkmarks on the plan either. I hope to add a checkmark on Monday (or maybe Tuesday if Monday’s no good for me) but make no mistake, racing season is here again and my enthusiasm and hopefulness have yet to be squashed by an oppressive tempo run.

It may seem weird to some of you that a 10K is my most important race of the year but that’s OK because some of you seem weird to me, I mean, what’s with those shoes? The Bolder Boulder 10K was the first race I ever ran back in May 2005, and every year I use it as a gage to see how I have progressed as a runner over the past year. The least amount of time that I’ve shaved from one year to the next is 2 minutes 53 seconds. If I could shave that much off last year’s PR of 52:07 then I would finally be under 50 minutes. If that happens I’ll be ecstatic! A finishing time of 49:xx would be a bigger accomplishment than finishing my first marathon earlier this year, that’s how bad I want this.

Serious training is about to begin. As for the rest of this week? Meh, maybe I’ll try and squeeze in a few miles between watching TV and eating.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

That’s What You’re Wearing?

A post in which I extol the virtues of technical running gear and find myself unable to let go of a bad analogy. Shocking, I know.

Most of us know that as runners we shouldn’t wear cotton when we run. It doesn’t dry as fast as other fabrics, it doesn’t breathe, but most importantly it makes you look like a rube. It really doesn’t matter how fast you can run if you’re doing it in a cotton T-Shirt. Take my long run this past Saturday as an example; I was running down the trail when I spotted a fellow runner heading towards me. He seemed to be moving pretty fast which provoked my male ego and caused me to feed a little speed to my ride, and by ride I mean my sweet, new Pearl Izumis. Was that not clear? I hate it when my analogies don’t land.

As we passed each other I noticed that he was wearing a cotton shirt with sweat stains resembling a world atlas, only less colorful. (Had he been wearing one of those 80s Hypercolor shirts then this analogy could have been awesome.) His iPod was strapped around his arm just a few degrees west of the Perspiration Peninsula and he was wearing a Garmin, but all the running gadgetry in the world doesn’t distract the eye from a cotton shirt. Clearly, he wasn’t half the runner that I am with my Under Armor compression shirt and technical shorts regardless of how much faster he appeared to be. Just like that I had judged him by his cover, his sweaty, 100% cotton cover. Our paths crossed again later on that same trail loop and I still couldn’t take my mind of the fact that he was running in a cotton shirt, except for a brief moment when it occurred to me that continental drift doesn’t actually take thousands of years, it only takes a few miles.

I ended up running 7 miles, which easily constitutes a long run these days, and it doesn’t matter how far or how fast Sweaty McSweatsalot ran that day, I refuse to believe that he is a better runner than I am.


Site News: Feed Address Change
The feed address for Half-Fast has changed, actually it changed several months ago and I kept meaning to tell you in a separate post but I could never remember to do it. I’m told the old feed will continue to work just fine which seems to be true, except that it takes longer to update than the new feed does. So in reality it shouldn’t matter what feed you’re using if you don’t mind waiting for your daily dose of sarcasm but I know that some of you take your Half-Fast like you take your women: As quickly as possible and over too soon. Here endeth the triple crown of bad analogies. Oh, and the new feed address is: feedproxy.google.com/half-fast.

Friday, February 20, 2009

You Run Like an Animal!


[by Candis]

Ian is completely swamped at work. It’s like they expect him to actually do something now that the financial services industry is in the tank. I, being the wonderful wife that I am, offered to post the winning animal- because darn it, free shoes don’t wait for bankers!

And the winner is... ME! Just kidding. You will however notice that when the Pearl Izumi rep contacted my loving husband, Ian replied by emailing his own shoe size and preferred style with nary a thought about me. Hey I have feet too! (Bonus question: Name this movie “Hello? I have a neck too! This thing holding up my head!” - you don’t win anything for it, just like me.)

Just once I wish someone would write Ian “Your wife is so great, would she like a wicked fast tri-bike?” “Your wife is so supportive, would she like compression gear?” “Honey, you’re so great. Why don’t you win that contest and get yourself some hotpink and red Pearl Izumis.”

Ian claims the free Pro Wash Detergent we got is for me. Now don’t get me wrong- it’s awesome. Our clothes smell like a meadow instead of an armpit in the drawers and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that they used 83% less plastic with their ingenious bag vs. bottle... but it’s still just soap! Next thing you know I’ll get a clothes dryer for Christmas.

You might be thinking that this is not the post Ian had in mind. Well, you’re right. I guess if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

And, without any further griping...

I am quite impressed at the creativity with which you all run. I will now think of how animals look while running in my sleep. Unfortunately creativity here gets you squat. It’s just a crap shoot... I mean a random number picked using an online, unbiased number generator.

Congratulations to Rachelsdaddy! You run like an animal!

Now with your new Pearl Izumis, you had better look like a cheetah streaking by. Except not really streaking. Good grief man no one wants to see that!

Thanks to all the entrants for running with such poor form that you could easily come up with such horrid animal analogies. Thanks also to Pearl Izumi for loving us so much that they gave away 2 pairs of their snazzy looking speedsters. (Don’t let Ian fool you- he buys shoes totally based on their looks.) We really do appreciate it (all jokes aside).

And to Ian’s employer… Seriously it’s Friday!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Stretching


I’m just going to come right out and say it: I don’t stretch. Ever. I don’t stretch before my runs, I don’t stretch after my runs, and I most certainly don’t stretch during my runs. OK, occasionally I’ll do this after a long run, but not for a significant amount of time and I’m not sure that it counts as stretching.

I used to stretch all the time before I went running but then I read somewhere that it could be harmful to stretch cold muscles and that was pretty much all the excuse I needed to stop. (Stretching not reading.) I know that I should stretch and sometimes I even tell myself that I’m going to stretch after my run but it never happens. When I run in the morning I find myself with no time to stretch because I have to go to work. When I run in the evening I have no time to stretch because dinner is often ready when I get home (not complaining about that by the way). When I run on the weekend I have no time to stretch because there’s always something more appealing that I need to do when I get home, like poke myself in the eye with a sharp stick.

I guess I find it hard to make the time to stretch because I’ve never experienced any downside to not stretching. Am I the only runner who is like this? Surely there are some of you out there who never stretch, right? Those of you who do stretch with the regularity of a food critic working his way through the Mexican genre are invited to let me know in the comments why I should stretch. Who knows, maybe something you say will cause me to start stretching, and I’m talking about real stretching not the typical stretch and yawn reaction that your comments so often produce.

Don’t forget this is the last day to get a comment in for the Pearl Izumi giveaway. I’ll announce the winner tomorrow!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Good Heavens!

I’m still running less frequently than the VW Jetta I owned in High School but I think I might be starting to get some motivation back. I don’t have any humorous running related stories to regale you with so I’m resorting to posting excerpts from my grade school writing assignments. Like all of the others that I’ve posted this particular piece was written in my ‘news book’ which was intended for reporting factual stories, and like all of the others it contains no punctuation whatsoever (you’ve been warned, Kristina). All of the entries in this book are mundane chronicles of what I did over the summer or the previous weekend. All of them except the one that follows:


It says:
Good heavens said the postman as he emptied the letter box there is a tiny little letter so he picked it up and it started to grow biger and out poped a cooking pot
No commas were harmed in the creation of this article.

I guess I got tired of just retelling what I did over the weekend, or perhaps I’d had a particularly dull and boring weekend and decided to liven things up a bit. My favorite part is when the cooking pot ‘popes’ out. I wish I knew what it meant to Pope Out. Is it a greeting that you tell someone when you leave, kind of like saying peace out?
“Hey, I’ll see you later man I gotta’ bounce.”
“Alright man, Pope Out!” *thumps chest twice and gives the peace sign*

Or, since the Pope often wears a funny hat, do you Pope Out by wearing a ridiculous hat or by wearing your hat crooked?
“Hey have you seen Brian?”
“Yeah, that’s him over there with the Poped Out hat.”

Sometimes I forget to zip my fly and my junk popes out of my shorts. Whatever the meaning, I’m going to try and use it a lot this week to see if I can figure out the most appropriate use for it.

Housekeeping - “... you want me fluff pillow?”
A couple of housekeeping matters. First, the new Laugh Tracks Podcast is available featuring me, Raz, and Nitmos. You can check it out at Runners’ Lounge or on iTunes. Second, don’t forget to enter the contest for a free pair of Pearl Izumis in the post below, right now your odds of winning are somewhere around 1 in 100, which is better than your odds of ever finding a tpyo in a post here at Half-Fast. See how easy that was!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Run Like an Animal Giveaway

Do you run like an animal? I do. Sometimes it’s more guinea pig than gazelle but I still like to think of it as animalistic. If you run like an animal then you could win yourself a new pair of Pearl Izumi running shoes (see below for details).

A rep from Pearl Izumi recently contacted me and offered me a free pair of their shoes to try. (Before I continue, let me just say that I think it’s awesome that Pearl Izumi has chosen this particular method of marketing their shoes.) Anyway, since I’ve already received a free pair of their shoes and loved them, I was torn between whether to accept another pair or try to give them away to one of my dear readers. On the one hand I really wanted another pair of free Pearl Izumis, and on the other hand it would be really cool if I could give a pair away to one of you guys. I knew what I had to do. I wrote an e-mail back to the PI rep demanding that he give me two pairs of shoes, one for me and one for you guys. I tried to pretend that I had a lot of influence in the running blogosphere, and I threatened that I would tell people to not buy Pearl Izumi shoes if he didn’t acquiesce to my demands (and I used big words like acquiesce so that I sounded important). OK, that’s a lie. However we did work it out so I get a free pair of Pearl Izumi running shoes and you get a free pair of Pearl Izumi running shoes, just like that Directv commercial used to advertise.

I’ve already received my free pair. I went with the Pace III running shoes (pictured right) and I even ran a couple of miles on the treadmill in them, which may not seem very animalistic to you but it totally is because I was growling and baring my teeth while I did it. Candis thinks I’m really sexy when I run on the treadmill. OK, that’s another lie.

Anyway, if you want a free pair of Pearl Izumi running shoes then all you have to do is leave a comment on this post telling me how you run like an animal. You have until midnight on Thursday to leave your comment, and on Friday I’ll randomly pick a winner. The winner will receive a Pearl Izumi card that has a special discount code on it, allowing you to go onto their website and pick out any pair of running shoes free of charge. After you leave your comment, I recommend heading over to www.wearenotjoggers.com to pick out your shoes in anticipation of your victory on Friday. You’re totally going to win this thing, I can feel it.

Friday, February 13, 2009

You’ve Got Questions...

... We’ve got answers. We are going to be recording another edition of the Laugh Tracks podcast for Runners’ Lounge on Monday evening. We’ve been tinkering with the format of the podcast, which is to say that going forward we hope that the podcast will follow some kind of format, and one of the sections that we hope to feature on a regular basis is a section where we answer your questions. So if you have any running related questions or if you have any questions about anything at all then please leave them in the comments at one of our blogs and we’ll try to answer some of them on the podcast. We’ll even try to pimp your blog if we answer your question so you might get an extra hit or two over the course of the week.

Nitmos, who is on sabbatical from blogging, has even said that he might try to make an appearance on the podcast so I apologize for that in advance. Amy, Razz, and I will round out the panel of experts that will be answering your questions and we guarantee that we cannot be stumped and nothing is off limits. I’m totally making this all up as I type this post but I’m sure those guys will back me up on these guarantees.

Free Giveaway!
Be sure to come back to Half-Fast on Monday as I’ll be hosting another free giveaway that’s open to anyone and everyone! You may have noticed that I don’t often do giveaways and when I do hold a giveaway, they’re not the cheap, crappy giveaways that you see on some blogs; offering you a chance to win a bottle of water or a set of 4 safety pins for your next race. (Disclaimer: I’m not thinking of any blogs specifically with this statement, if you recently gave away a set of 4 safety pins or a bottle of water on your blog I thought it was totally cool and I was super bummed that I didn’t win!) I’m not going to tell you what I’m giving away on Monday because I get off on being withholding, but I will say that the dollar value of the prize is probably somewhere in the region of $120, and no it’s not a vial of sweet Vanilla sweat. That retails way north of $300.

Leave a question in the comments or else I won’t be sharing my Valentines conversation hearts with you, not even the yucky wintergreen ones.


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Who’s Up for a Challenge?

A little over a year and a half ago I wrote a post about two women who were helping orphans in Africa, of course you probably don’t remember that post because a year and a half ago I had a smaller audience than a Jessica Simpson movie, but I still take credit for helping publicize their cause. Hope Runs is the name of the organization. Yesterday I received an e-mail from Claire Williams, co-founder of Hope Runs, asking me if I would be willing to put a post up on Half-Fast because they need your help. After several attempts to hustle her for advertising dollars I resigned myself to the fact that maybe they really didn’t have the budget to pay my exorbitant rates and I agreed to put her post up here at Half-Fast, but you’d better believe that I’m writing this off as a humongous charitable donation.

Unfortunately for Hope Runs they have not made any stupid business decisions or participated in any reckless, irresponsible spending so they do not qualify for the freight-sized helpings of bailout money that your financial institutions are pissing away even as we speak. Therefore, I encourage you to help out in any way that you can. The least you can do is read the guest post below and then head on over to their website to offer your support, actually that’s not true, the least you could do would be to just skip the rest of this post and go on about your day, you heartless jerks!


What is the Hope Runs 777 Challenge?
In 2010, Hope Runs will be leading a Guinness World Record-breaking endeavor to complete 7 marathons on 7 continents in only 7 weeks. With a team of dedicated runners, we are committed to breaking some fantastic Guinness World Records (yes - there are some left to be broken in the area!). We are also proud to be running a green event through carbon-emissions-offset sponsoring.

The Hope Runs 777 Challenge will help bring the issues facing the 14.5 million AIDS orphans in Africa alone to the forefront of the world’s consciousness. By pushing ourselves to the limit, our team will raise awareness for the issues facing orphaned and vulnerable children (OVCs) all over the world, mobilizing people everywhere to become more involved. With each member of the team covering his or her own costs and committing to raise thousands more toward the cause, this effort will help to make a lasting impact in places that need it most.

How Can I Join the Team?
We've lost a couple members of our team and are looking for replacements! We are looking for dedicated runners, marathoners, doctors or nurses, and physical trainers who would be committed to spending six weeks of 2010 working toward this record-breaking goal. If you do not fall into one of these categories, but feel you have what it takes, please send us an application.

The team will also be required to do extensive fundraising (team members are currently fundraising $26,200 plus the cost of their trip), both to pay for their own trips and to meet a minimum fundraising goal set for each member. We will be happy to help with fundraising strategies and ideas, but each member will be trusted to earn enough to make this challenge a highly successful fundraising effort.
If you want to apply, send an email to info@hoperuns.org!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Getting Back on the Wagon

Can someone please give me a hand back up onto the running bandwagon? I seem to be having some problems getting motivated and given that I’ve only run 9 miles since the marathon I don’t have much to write about. I’ve been sitting here staring at this blank text box for a while trying to come up with ideas but I’m feeling totally RazZDoodle’d. Yesterday, I was determined to run. I set my mind to it while the day was still young and even left work a little early so that I would have plenty of daylight remaining.

But then I arrived home, and there was a little bit of wind and I was all “Well I hate the wind and I don’t have a race coming up so maybe I could skip another day of running,” and my wife, bless her heart was all “I ran 7 miles on the treadmill today, you could use the treadmill like I did,” and I had to fight really hard to stop myself from doing that thing that kids do where they repeat what you just said but in a squeaky, high-pitched voice like they’re mimicking you. So I just kind of procrastinated a little until it started to get close to dinner time and then I asked my wife what she was making for dinner in a totally loving and not at all chauvinistic way, because sometimes if she’s making something that isn’t very exciting it makes me want to go run just to take my mind off the fact that dinner isn’t going to be exciting tonight. Anyway, Candis told me that she was making guacamole and that we were going to be having tacos, then as if it just occurred to her she was all “Oh, and if you like I could whip up a pitcher of margaritas” and all of a sudden running was totally out of the question. I guess the point I’m driving at here is that margaritas go really well with chips and guacamole, don’t they? And also that I didn’t run last night because when your choices are ‘running’ or ‘margaritas and Mexican food’ then you take the margaritas and Mexican food and you don’t look back.

I didn’t run this morning before work either, because I had margaritas and Mexican food last night and that’s not conducive to getting up at the butt-crack of dawn and running. So, perhaps I’ll run tonight or perhaps I’ll come up with another excuse, stay tuned tomorrow to find out what happens. (Speaking of excuses, you can win free stuff over at the Runners’ Lounge if you can come up with creative excuses like me.)

Finally, I apologize for that second paragraph up there, I just went back and read it and I think my writing might have slipped back to a grade school level because it sounds an awful lot like those posts featuring the literary stylings of a young Vanilla and I don’t want to go back to those habits where I avoided periods (or full stop’s as we called them in England) like I’m now avoiding running, but now that I think of it, I guess maybe this is just the circle of life coming full circle, so to speak. Whatever that means.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Weekend Splits

Weekend Splits is my recap of things that I found interesting or humorous over the past week. If you have a submission for the weekend splits, e-mail me.


  • Non-Runner Nancy was recently diagnosed as being freakishly flexible which sounds like a good thing, but all it really means is that she can’t run any more, which sucks more than a Keanu Reeves movie. In Nancy’s honor US Jogger is hosting a virtual 5K race on February 14th because what better way to rub Nancy’s face in the fact that she can’t run anymore than to hold an event where we all go out and run? I kid, I kid. Nancy is the Queen of virtual races and I wish her the best. Head on over to JogAmericaBlog to join the Freakishly Flexible 5K and then go to Nancy’s blog to show your support and leave a mildly inappropriate comment about how she’s freakishly flexible.
  • Glaven made me laugh this week, which for now, is the only time that I’m admitting to laughing at something that Glaven said, in his Jes For Fun post. NOTE: That link isn’t working right now, in fact Glaven’s blog is just totally gone which makes me fearful that something is happening to all the good bloggers out there, I mean first Nitmos disappears and now Glaven? Or maybe joyRuN finally took him down for good. Who knows?
  • Meanwhile, Jes ran over London Bridge, the one in Arizona and posted some cool pictures.

Comment of the Week
Honors this week go to Ed Hammerbeck on my How to Annoy Other Runners post. Was it because he called me sir? Yes, yes it was.

I'm a swerver, but only because I run drunk. My hydration belt has four bottles in it.
Bottle #1) Gew├╝rztraminer (warm up)
Bottle #2) Manhattan (replenishing my brown liquor stores)
Bottle #3) Mai Tai (stimulating the rum gland)
Bottle #4) Mimosa (cool down)
That, sir, is how I roll.

Random Non-Running Related Video of the Week
This week’s video was featured on EverymanTri several months ago, and would have made an appearance here on the Weekend Splits sooner if I had been writing them. It’s a compilation of people getting lucky (but not in the sexual sense, you pervert). I’m not featured on the video because I make my own luck, I use a unique blend of hard work, belittling others and chloroform. It works every time.


Enjoy the weekend everyone. Run hard.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Friday Miscellany

Miscellaneous thoughts featuring improper (and superfluous) parentheticals (like this one).

I’m pretty sure that 17 days is the longest span that I’ve gone without running since I took up the sport back in May 2005, but that was where it ended on Wednesday night. All the motivation that I needed was a brand new pair of running sunglasses, unfortunately not these ones :(. I had a gift certificate to Road Runner Sports left over from Christmas and since I don’t need new shoes right now and I’m all stocked up on crazy day-glo shirts I decided to get myself a nice pair of sunglasses.

Speaking of crazy, Candis went for a run last night while I was on my way home from work. She called me to let me know that she was running the 6 mile loop by our house, because we always let each other know how far we’re going and which path we’ll be on so that the police will know where to start the search should either of us ever turn up missing. (Is ‘turn up missing’ an oxymoron? It seems like it should be.) What can I say, we’re a cautious couple. (Except when it comes to the bedroom, hi-yo! I’m going to give myself a high five for that one.) Anyway to make a long story short even longer and more boring, while I was still on my way home (and while Candis was still running) I received a text from her that said:


“Out 2 miles and back instead. Back hurts.”

Not being one to shy away from irony and hypocrisy, I responded with:

“Slacker!” I figured that it would motivate her, or maybe annoy her, but both outcomes were acceptable. Either way, I didn’t actually expect that she would read the message until she arrived home, and I certainly didn’t expect a reply (she was running after all). However, a couple of minutes later I did receive a reply, it simply said:

“Kettle.” See, she’s not just a pretty face, she’s funny too. Well, maybe it doesn’t sound that funny here but I laughed out loud when I read it last night. I guess you just had to be there, (although I’m kinda’ glad that you weren’t).

Finally, Razz and I were interviewed about our marathon experience by Tom for the Runners’ Lounge Open Mic series. You can download the podcast of our conversation over at Runners’ Lounge. Stick around tomorrow for another edition of the Weekend Splits, come on, you know you’ve got nothing better to do on a Saturday.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

How to Annoy Other Runners

Towards the end of the Rock ‘n’ Roll Arizona Marathon, I sure noticed a lot of annoying runners. Now I’m willing to concede that perhaps I was a little cranky from being so tired, sore and chafed and you probably don’t make the best assessments of others at mile 23 of a 26.2 mile race. Nevertheless there are some things that other runners do that just flat out annoy me. Since I assume that no one wants to intentionally annoy me, I’ve taken the liberty of putting together a list of the things that you all probably do that just annoy the crap out of me. Please try to work on improving yourself for my benefit.

Let’s start with the worst offenders:
Runners who run 4 wide across the street and then all hold hands to finish together. Forget the fact that they’re blocking my way, the blatant lack of competitive spirit in these folks (“Hey, let’s all hold hands and tie!”) is just un-American and borders on being downright French in nature. If you do this, you disgust me. Man, quit being such a sissy!
Runners who are in dire need of medical assistance. These people make me feel guilty, like I’m a bad person for not stopping to help, and I don’t think people should make me feel that way. It’s not very considerate of them. At least I took the extra effort to hurdle you instead of just stepping on you. Man, quit being so needy!
Runners who are faster than me. Annoying! Especially those runners who wait until we’re 20+ miles into the race and then go breezing by at a 7 minute pace. That’s just baffling. If you can run that fast at mile 20 then how is it that you’re only now just passing me 3 hours into this race? Man, quit being so fast!
Runners that swerve a lot. Have you ever run behind someone who does this? It wears me out just watching them meander back and forth across the street, not to mention how difficult it is to pass them. If you ever see anyone doing this, you have my permission to punch them in the back of the head, tell them karma sent you.
Runners that throw their empty Gatorade cups into my path. I swear if you get any of that pink juice on my nice new running shoes I will lose it. Man, quit tossing that crap at my feet!
Runners who are slower than me that take the inside turn on a corner directly in front of me. This is annoying to say the least, and infuriating to say a little bit more. It’s the kind of thing that makes a grown man want to kick a llama in the head. (Come on, someone had to pick up the llama hating torch and run with it, no?) Man, quit getting in my way!
Runners that seem like they want to run with me but insist on being a half step ahead of me. I totally called dibs on this annoying practice. Man, quit stealing my bit!

Though I’m sure there are heaps more annoying things that you all do, I don’t want to overburden you, so just work on these things for now. For my part I will try to be a little more tolerant and I’ll work on some of the things that I do that you might consider annoying: Wearing a disturbingly bright shirt, spitting straight up in the air, running with my arms straight out, making it look easy, and no-look snot rockets.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Sweet Sixteen

Forgive me, for it has been 16 days since my last run. Sixteen sweet days of blissful rest and not running have passed since I crossed the finish line in Arizona. I had intended to run this past weekend, but then I didn’t. I intended to run this morning, but then I didn’t. Without a race in the foreseeable future I have little motivation to get out and run and even the smallest excuses keep me from lacing ‘em up. The good news is that I’m starting to miss running, which I wouldn’t have thought possible only a month ago when I was in the heart of my marathon training.

2009 Goals
The completion of the PF Chang’s RnR Marathon brings my 2008 running season to a close, despite the fact that it happened in 2009. Only now do I feel like it is appropriate to start setting some goals for the year. Obviously the first goal is to complete a marathon in 2009, not another marathon, just the one that I’ve already completed. Hooray for retroactive goals! As has always been the case I like to focus on getting faster more than anything else and I think you can see that showing through in some of my goals below:

  • Get faster.
  • Don’t get slower.
  • Run a sub 50 minute 10K.
  • Win an age group award, and by win I mean take first, second or third, I’m really not that picky. This is going to require entering some small, local races, but I think it’s about time I placed within my age group.
  • Shave my 5K. As the host of the SY5K Challenge it would be embarrassing for me to get slower.
  • Set a new PR at the half marathon distance.
  • Not sign up for another marathon.

Incidentally, I told Candis about my goals and she didn’t think that I could win an age group award even when I told her that I was going to find a really small local race. I tried to convince her that I could find a really small race where there was only one other person in my age group and take second place by default, but she remained skeptical. Whatever. I’ll show her. If any of you know of any really small races in Colorado or maybe even Cheyenne, WY then be sure to let me know, but let’s keep it on the down low so that the race doesn’t get too popular. I don’t want to actually have to earn the age group award, I totally just want to get it by default. That’s how I roll.