Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Ooof!

Georgetown to Idaho Springs Half Marathon Race Report
Let’s play a little game where you guess why this race report is getting posted so late. Is it:

a) Because I suck.
b) Because it is deftly written prose with many clever turns of phrase and witty observations and it takes time to craft such beauty in writing.
c) Because I posted a new Personal Worst.
d) Because I don’t want to talk about it.
e) Because I was keeping you in suspense to build up my page views.
f) Because the first race report I wrote was so whiny and unbearably depressing to read that I just outright deleted it and had to start over.
g) All of the above.

If you took the easy way out and answered g) All of the above, then you’re wrong because b) clearly isn’t true. The correct answer is actually secret answer h) which is ‘all of the above except for b).’

Yes, it’s true. I put the ‘race’ in disgrace and managed to post a new Personal Worst! My time was 2:04:33 (9:31 pace). I won’t waste your time with excuses and explanations about why I failed spectacularly because I don’t really have any. The weather was just about perfect, the course was great, and I didn’t do anything stupid the night before. The only thing I can think of is that I had this Detour Runner bar that I was saving for my pre-race breakfast, but Candis ate it a couple of days prior to the race. I don’t even think she was running at the time, she just did it to spite me so I ended up eating plain old toast instead. Hence, the new PW.

There are a number of frustrating things about this new low, the first of which is that I’m not even sure I can put my finger on what went wrong. Somewhere around mile 8 or 9 my legs started getting really stiff and I just couldn’t keep them going at my desired pace. I even tried envisioning Kara Goucher, who is undefeated at the half marathon distance, but all that did was make other things stiff and further hinder my running. Perhaps I should have envisioned her running?

The second thing that is frustrating about this recent crapping of the bed is that it clearly signals that I have managed to get slower this year. (Perhaps you would expect nothing less from a site named Half-Fast.) This year I have run a 10K, a 5K and now a half marathon at slower pace than I ran them last year. One slow result is a bad day, two are an uncanny coincidence but three bad races in a year are a stinging belly flop into the realization that I’m slower. Join me won’t you? The water’s warm. I’m taking failure to all new levels and I can’t even argue that these results were due to tough courses because the 10K and the half that I ran this year were on the same courses where I PR’d last year. It’s like I have no excuse (except for that breakfast bar thing, I’m holding on to that one), I’m just slower. Fortunately I continue to get handsomer and handsomer with age so I’ve still got that going for me.

I’ll wrap up this race report here because I can feel it starting to head the same way the first attempt went (which is straight to the bottom of the nearest bottle) and I really am far too lazy to write it up a third time.

25 comments:

  1. I was going to answer i)most of the above. Hey, at least you did it. I was thinking about it and flat-out refused. So, you're a better, stonger person than I am.

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  2. They can't all be PR's... if they were how would you stay humbled?

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  3. Hey, you're forgetting your PR in my marathon.

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  4. Well, this has enough self pity and defeatism for me. Nothing more for me to do here. Is it any consolation that you stuck the landing on the race report?

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  5. I can't kick you when you're down. It would be too easy.

    Sounds like it's time for a new training strategy. I've been thinking the same thing for myself too.

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  6. Nitmos, you think this one has plenty of self pity and defeatism? You would have loved the first draft.

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  7. Aw Vanilla. You make me sad. You are just having an off year. It can happen and probably will happen to most of us. Sign up for another race and kick it's ass!

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  8. Aww, I kind of want to find Kara Goucher and make her give you a hug. While wearing her bootie shorts.

    There will be other races, I promise. :o)

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  9. Blahhhh, that sucks. You should blame it on the fact that it was an August race. Wasn't it pretty hot everywhere last weekend?

    You know, this post would have been a lot better with pics of said Kara Goucher.... in booty shorts.

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  10. You almost had the correct approach there, but let it slip through your fingers (feet?). This is ALL Candis' fault and I suspect the Detour Bar was merely an additional nail in your coffin for insurance purposes. I am convinced she has an evil plan to make you slower and the proof is scattered throughout the past years blog posts. Seemingly innocuous - yes, but there. For example, how many training sessions were moved to the treadmill for Candis reasons? Too many to count I believe. Further, you innocently thought that supporting her triathlon goals would prove you were a loving, caring husband when in reality, this was Candis' plan all along to help move some of your focus to her instead of staying completely on your needs and your goals. I say she didn't really want to do a triathlon, it was all part of the plot that has been years in the planning. The evil that women do...
    I say it's time for you to man up, take back the house, and ensure that Candis and the kids put you back up on the pedalstal where you belong. I demand this of you (Sorry this comment was so long).

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  11. How frustrating! Fortunately for you (and us), answer b) is, in fact, also correct.

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  12. Does Kara even have boobs?

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  13. I blame Kara Goucher. She's such a vixen, I tell you. Thinking of her definitely made the blood drain from your legs and head to more northerly parts, just when you needed it most.

    She's such a hussy.

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  14. You obviously were supporting a slower runner by holding back your pace and making sure they made it to the finish line.

    That's the excuse I use and it hasn't failed yet...

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  15. Well I hope the race swag was good at least. Better luck next year.

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  16. I submit the possibliity that perhaps last year was simply your Peak Year. Last year was the all-time highlight of what you are capable of, runningly-speaking. From here on out, you are going to get slower and less nimble. Accept it. Oh, and welcome to MY pace group (9:00-10:00), where you are as-yet one of the "faster runners." You may now think of yourself as Half Slow, insted.

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  17. Ps: please forgive my heathenly typos; much like chewing gum and walking at the same time, clearly I can't spell while kicking you.

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  18. bummer things didn't work out but I must say the obligatory, well at least you finished. :) Nice work on another race. You'll have your day soon!

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  19. Unfortunately, there is never a PW so bad that you cannot outdo yourself and hit a new low... as know from experience. On the other hand, after I resigned myself a few months ago to the idea that I peaked last summer and it's all downhill now, I did manage to kick myself in the ass and get it together, better than ever (until the next decline, of course!). (One key factor: 10-15 lbs. Up and down, they made a difference!) Anyhow, don't beat yourself up, you are still really young and have lots of opportunities for PR's!

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  20. at least you keep getting "handsomer"...

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  21. I don't know what your half-marry PR time is and I'm too lazy to look it up even if it happens to be right on a sidebar to this very page somewhere; but if you're running a 9:31 pace for 13.1 miles, that, to me, seem more like something worthy of celebration.

    Cheer up. You're better than I am.

    It may not be much. But it's something.

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  22. I'll make you feel better - your PW is about 5 seconds faster than my PB for the half. Be a man, suck it up or blame it on Candis for eating that healthy, delicious, nutritious, awe-inspiring, 3 ounces of heaven that was going to propel you to Usain Bolt-like speeds for the entire course.

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  23. Don't worry, I'm already in the pool of getting slower: I posted my personal best marathon a little over a year ago, and have run 19 marathons since then without even getting close to equaling it.

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  24. There's always another race to make up for it.

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