Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Suckage Report

First of all, huge props to Candis for crushing her previous PR by over 6 minutes with a time of 58:52 and easily achieving her goal of a sub 60 minute 10K. She rocked it. When I realized that I wasn’t going to make my goal I started rejoicing vicariously for Candis’ PR because I knew that she was going to get it. I was more confident going into this race that Candis would PR than I was that I would PR. This is why I decided that the winner of our bet should have to sleep with the loser, because then I win even if I lose, which I did. The agreed upon time deduction that Candis received was 10 minutes, which means that Candis beat me by nearly 5 full minutes. I’m so proud of her, but that’s really quite enough happiness for this post.

We awoke on race morning to cloudy, overcast skies, temperatures in the low 50s and a 92% chance of suckage. It was perfect racing weather which is unfortunate because there’s one more excuse that I can’t use for my suckitude. Candis and I got split up when I went to the pre-race bag check and she had to go drop a pre-race deucer. (I mention this because I imagine that telling you about her bowel movements takes some of the bloom off the rose of her awesome race and when I’m down I like to drag as many others down with me as possible.) We never found each other before the start of the race and Candis ended up going out in the wave ahead of me.

My pacing strategy was to attempt 8 minute miles the entire way allowing myself to lose some time on the uphill miles and hoping to gain some time back on the downhill sections of the course. When I turned in an 8:10 first mile and felt winded I knew that I might be in trouble. My mile 2 split came in at 8:28 but it was one of the tougher miles on the course and I was still hoping to make up time on the downhill sections of miles 4 and 5. With that in mind I tried to save some energy on mile 3 and posted an 8:48 mile.

I started the 4th mile with a bang, charging down 19th street with steely resolve. I was going to make up the minute and 26 seconds that I was behind, or at the very least get back onto pace to set a new PR. I could not be stopped, I floated down the downhill sections like a gazelle and I attacked the uphill sections like a crazy man. Like Forrest Gump, I. Was. Running. As I dashed up Casey Hill (the highest point of the course) I crossed the 4 mile mark and checked my Garmin for my split: 8:44. 8:44? Are you freaking kidding me? That was at least a 7:25 mile! It certainly felt like a 7:25 mile. I cursed my Garmin and had I not been so exhausted I would have probably chucked it into the side of a building but that sounded like too much effort.

I kept an even effort for the 5th mile and posted another 8:44 mile. A few quick calculations brought the realization that not only was I not going to make my goal, but I wasn’t even going to PR. OK, so there was nothing quick about my calculations, the math probably took me 2 minutes. I began to think about Candis, who I had passed somewhere in the 2nd mile. I thought about waiting for her and pacing her to the finish, but really that would have just been an excuse to stop and rest. I hoped and hoped that she would get her sub 60 minute time so that she wouldn’t have to run the final mile the way I was running it. I decided not to kill myself on the final mile and I’m OK with that decision. I rounded out my race with a half-fast 9:03 mile and a final time of 53:50. Disappointing to say the least. I drowned my sorrows in free Michelob Ultra before heading to a Memorial Day BBQ where I continued drowning them in... well to be honest I don’t remember all the specifics of how I drowned them, I just know that I did. It turned out to be a good day anyway.


  1. nice job regardless. Hooray for Candice...sometimes it's just not our day, but at least you got to imbibe, so it wasn't a total waste!

  2. Damn, I thought you would at least give yourself a Groin Pull PR, but you opted out of that excuse. Excuse me while I pass out in amazement.

  3. I hope you switched to something stronger at the BBQ. It would take forever to drown your sorrows in Mich-Ultra.

    They really should have a tiered system of handing out post-race beers. Perhaps match the ABV to your pace ...

    Good job regardless. I hate those 7:25s that look like 8:44s. They're the worst.

  4. I have to admit, that was the most exciting 8:44 mile I've ever read about.

    I assume Candis will have a triumphant, gloating report?

    To Candis, Congratulations on the PR. To Vanilla, Congratulations on the booby prize.

  5. I think you get to subtract 4 minutes from each mile because of the extremely high elevation of Boulder. So congrats on that killer 4:44 tempo mile! You and Ryan Hall are now arch rivals!

  6. I thought they only let people drink Coors in that state? Glad you found some comfort in the bottom of some bottle though. :o)

  7. I hope I'm not too late.

    When it comes to the loser-gets-sex-with-the-winner-part ...

    ... try not to "beat Candis to the finish" by 5+ minutes. Because the skirts hate that. Really. Just trust me on this.

    Unless 5+ minutes would be a PR. Then go for it. Screw her! (Figuratively this time.)

    But seriously, congrats to Candis and I for one would be drop-a-deuce-in-my-pants happy with a 53:50.

    OR a 58:52.

  8. Bummer. Sorry it was not your day. I really was thinking sub-50 thoughts for you, so don't blame me. I always find disappointing race results help me rediscover my passion for the experience of running. Or some such bull shit.
    Congrats to Candis.

  9. Pre race deucer. That's the best. At least it wasn't a during-the-race deucer. Did you grab any of the doritos, bacon or marshmallows along the way?

  10. Damn. I challenged the wrong guy.

  11. Bummer. At least you had beer and Candis to console you.

    You know it's just a matter of time before she kicks your ass, right? Just sayin'.

  12. I hope you had fun, regardless of how you felt about the time "suckage." Sometimes, we just have off days. Is that what we should call it? Sorry I didn't meet up with you guys. My crew was anxious to get out and eat breakfast at the Walnut Cafe. Another time.

  13. So the moral is:

    You suck.
    Candis rocks.

  14. Sorry Vanilla, but like everyone else has said, sometimes it's just not our day.

    A big congrats to Candis on the kick-ass PR! I'm curious as to how she trained for this race since her previous 10K PR was about a minute slower than mine. I wanna be fast like her. :)

  15. Hey there, I'm new to your blog...

    Way to go on the race. You did it, right?

    I was extremely disapointed in my half marathon time this past weekend, but I think I've come to terms with the fact that I did it!

    Great blog, I plan to stop by often! :)

  16. Congrats to Candis! And Michelob Ultra? dude, they'll take away your "man card" for drinking that! You may as well admit to drinking Zima.

  17. Yay Candis!

    The only thing worse than a 7:25 that comes out to 8:44 is a 7:25 that comes out to 9:44.

  18. Hmmmm. Sorry to hear about the disappointing result, but a good post nonetheless. Congrats to Candice on her awesome PR!

  19. I'm glad you didn't chuck the Garmin...or you'd feel even worse today.

    Congrats to Candis!

  20. Way to bring on the suckage. Congrats to you (for finishing) and Candis (for kicking ass).


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