Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Nike Responds

I just received an e-mail from Jacie Prieto, media relations manager for Nike, indicating that Arien O’Connell is going to be recognized as a winner of the Nike Women’s Marathon. Moreover, Nike is learning from their mistakes and will be eliminating the elite running group at next year’s Nike Women’s Marathon.

I think the most important thing to notice here is that Nike’s media relations manager sent me an e-mail. This is probably due to the fact that the massive sportswear corporation was terrified of drawing the ire of Half-Fast. Ignore for a second that the e-mail was recalled shortly after it was sent, and that I was BCC’d on the e-mail which means it probably went out to hundreds of other bloggers too, what’s important is that I single-handedly brought the sporting giant to its knees. I was the David to their Goliath, the kryptonite to their Superman, the 1980 US hockey team to their corporate, commie USSR hockey team, the Betamax to their VHS... wait... I think my analogy is breaking down. Breaking down like Nike, on their knees, begging for my forgiveness. (Analogy back on track!) It’s OK Nike, don’t cry. I could never stay mad at you. Now, how about some free dry-fit gear?

The following is Nike’s official statement:

Nike is announcing today that it recognizes Arien O'Connell as a winner in last weekend's Nike Women's Marathon completing the full race in 2:55:11. She shattered her previous time and achieved an amazing accomplishment.

Arien will receive the same recognition and prize, including a Tiffany & Co. trophy, the full marathon elite group winner received. Arien was unfortunately not immediately recognized as a race winner because she did not start the race with the elite running group, which is required by USATF standards. Because of their earlier start time, the runners in the elite group had no knowledge of the outstanding race Arien was running and could not adjust their strategies accordingly.

Learning from the unique experience in this year's race, Nike has decided today to eliminate the elite running group from future Nike Women's Marathons. Next year, all runners will run in the same group and all will be eligible to win.

Nike has a proven track record of supporting athletes and we're proud to be able to honor Arien and other athletes who surpass their goals and achieve great accomplishments.

22 comments:

  1. Exxxxxcelllllent!

    Now you must use your powers to threaten and conquer cancer -

    No, no! too easy, not to mention cliché.

    Hmmm ...

    I know! Set your sights on tainted beer! It's a scourge, I tells ya!

    This should be interesting. I've always wondered whether the Half-Fast site would reject a link to Viper's blog like a mismatched donated organ. Only one way to tell ... click "publish" ...

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  2. Well thank you for hounding them! I was horrified.
    The little people like Arien are lucky to have you on thier side!

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  3. I'm so glad you were able to make them tremble before you. What is next on your list? World Peace?

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  4. You are certainly a man of epic proportions.

    I should have you write a stern e-mail to my boss LOL.

    SUCCUMB TO THE POWAH OF VANILLA!

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  5. Um ... I think chia just called you fat.

    Just sayin.

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  6. Glaven, I think you misunderstood. I think she was complementing my... huge member.

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  7. Taints? Members? What's going on the Internet these days? I remember when it was a more civilized arena for thought and discourse.

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  8. Maybe you can fire off a post aimed at your beloved Buffaloes to not suck.

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  9. I was just going to send you that e-mail as it was just sent to us in the office as well!

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  10. I'm glad :-)

    Seriously, they need to hook a homie up a free coupon code or something :P

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  11. Wow, I feel so happy about that decision! Awesome! BUT...I was hoping there was some kind of loophole to get me BQ'd at like....5 hours. Sigh. Epic proportions, eh? Hmmm.

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  12. I just read this earlier this afternoon; very interesting.

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  13. Well done, Vanilla. Maybe I should write in your name on my absentee ballot instead of choosing one of the schmucks already listed on there. It's a thought.

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  14. It's a tough job but someone has to do it!

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  15. Glaven, I think you misunderstood. I think she was complementing my... huge member.

    Put you member away, Vanilla! Open your eyes, Brother!

    She's got a KNIFE!

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  16. You are the dingleberry to their pucker.

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  17. This story even made the main local Sports Radio show, Primetime Sports with Bob McCowan, yesterday evening, which I thought was interesting since all we ever seem to hear up here is hockey hockey and more hockey. It's good that Nike has taken this in stride and will make changes to next year's event.

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  18. I just hope you receive a personal thank you from Arien. Clearly, she would be trophyless now if it weren't for you. Keep speaking truth to power, man!

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  19. yes, that was good news. what I found odd is that I can't find any statement from the second place finisher...I mean 'elite winner'? It just seems weird. I would feel totally uncomfortable and give it back...no one wants to feel like a fraud..

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  20. Great. Cool about the email.

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  21. I could not help but notice that Arien is simplay "a" winner instead of "the" winner. Hmmmm...

    Once I decide what my plight is, I am hopeful you will recognize it.

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