Friday, October 31, 2008

Nicollette Sheridan is Running

Nicollette Sheridan, of the TV show Desperate Housewives and timeless movies such as Beverly Hills Ninja and Spy Hard, was spotted running on the beach in Malibu at least a couple of times in recent weeks. Running on a beach often sounds like the perfect run, but trust me when I tell you from experience that it is nothing of the sort. It tears up your calves, it really doesn’t make you look any sexier, and even when you try it in slow motion (a la Baywatch) it still invites comparisons to beached whales. Just shut up and leave me alone you stupid tourists!

But if you ever had any lingering doubts that running does a body good then I invite you to review the pictures of Nicollette Sheridan lounging in a bikini that I have placed at the end of this post. Nicollette Sheridan turns 45 next month and she still looks great, not quite up to my high standards mind you, but certainly closer than any other 45 year old.


As I type this post it occurs to me that Nicollette Sheridan along with many other actors has a pretty tough life. Running on the beach with your dog, lounging in the sun, drinking, doing magazine photo shoots, attending all those award shows and making appearances at multiple after-parties, how do they do it? They truly are the model of hard work and dedication, the epitome of the American dream being lived out before our very eyes. And if you think that it just sounds like I’m extremely jealous then you, sir or madam, are quite perceptive.

Note: I realize that today is Halloween and this post isn’t very scary or Halloweeny, so allow me to offer some bonus Halloween advice to make up for it. I’ve been noticing a lot of tips on how to avoid the Halloween candy from the various running and health blogs that I visit, things like buy candy you don’t like (does not compute), or give out pens or toys or healthy snacks (a sure way to be the hated neighbor). Here’s my tip for you: Show some freaking restraint you gutless pushover and just DON’T EAT THE CANDY IN THE FIRST PLACE! If that fails, then just do like I do; eat whatever you want and add some extra miles to your long run. You probably burn somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 calories per mile, keep that in mind when you’re inhaling 500 calories of Snickers and think of the pain that 5 more miles will equal, then ask yourself “is it really worth it?” In the case of the Snickers the answer is yes, yes it is worth it.


26 comments:

  1. This was a spooktacular post ...

    Happy Halloween. I'm going to mow down some Now n' Laters.

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  2. I'm not sure I even got anything out of your post... not with those pictures. NICE!

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  3. What on earth are your standards!
    I'd kill to look like that at any age.

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  4. You could have scared the bejesus out of everybody by pointing out that Nicolette was, until recently, engaged to Michael Bolton.

    BOO! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

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  5. Buying candy you don't like *does* show restraint. I buy candy to which I am mildly allergic (I have a minor reaction to almonds). I can eat it if I want to, but it sure as hell isn't worth it, even without the extra miles.

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  6. I'm that odd person that hates candy so this season generally doesn't effect me all that much.

    But, if it did, staring at those SUPAH HAWT pics of that chicky would definitely veer me from the paws of evil.

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  7. Always classy, Vanilla.

    In that third bikini photo, it looks like she's trying to fart.

    Happy Halloween to you and your family!

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  8. I woke up this morning saying to myself, "Self, we can't eat anymore sweets this week."

    Now that I realize that Helloween is apon us, I have to say ...

    I prefer 3 Musketters bars.

    So, I guess my long run will have to go up a few miles ... lets say a couple of 5K's!

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  9. I'm going to eat all I want tonight. I figure have of my son's take can be his rent payment for the year. I think he should start pulling his weight. He turns three next month.

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  10. Somehow...I don't feel I was the intended audience for this post.

    Now, if you have photos of NS dancing in a gorilla costume, on the other hand...

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  11. I'm sure the words you strung together in this post were insightful.

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  12. Great advice...just add the extra miles...unfortunately, in the face of some yummy candy - the extra is well worth it!
    ~K

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  13. Her boobs are even real. I hate her.

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  14. Her boobs are even real. I hate her.

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  15. Well, expect the floors of your blog to be sticky from now on. Porn-movie-theater sticky, I'm talking. They'll never again be unsticky.

    Anyone else out there old enough to remember when you had to go to actual movie theaters to get your porn? In contradistinction to this sticky Internet where it's all anonymous and there's far less chance of running into creeps who just happen to be into the same leather or rubber fetishes as y-

    ...I think I've said too much.

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  16. I don't know, I kinda think NS looks like a robot or something. She kinda creeps me out.

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  17. " ... not quite up to my high standards mind you, but certainly closer than any other 45 year old."

    I just turned 45 years old this year, and I'd just like to say that you are no longer my favourite blogger. For at least a week.

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  18. I had better look AT LEAST as hot as she does in a Bikini when I'm 45 because I have freakin' 15 years to work on it and it will take me that long to find a beach to run on. LOL

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  19. I'm with Reluctant Runner :(

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  20. Fun sized Snickers are always justified. 365 days a year.

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  21. This is just what I need to look at while stuffing my face with Halloween candy.

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  22. I just want to kill the bitch. Bring on the candy!

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  23. I'm with Jess. She looks good from far but close up it get s little scary. She still has a smokin bod though. Damn her!

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  24. Michael Bolton!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

    Now I feel sorry for her. But not that sorry.

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  25. "I'm with Jess. She looks good from far but close up it get s little scary. She still has a smokin bod though."

    I'm with Jess and Marcy.
    Someone should tell NS that no amount of botox and facelifts is going to fool anyone.
    Nice bod, but the over-inflated lips and the pouty face...{{{{shudder}}}} not a good look!

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