This Saturday is the Denver Gorilla Run and I’ve already received my gorilla suit. I tried it on the other night and it was hot just standing around in it. How am I ever going to run a 5.6K race in that thing? Also, 5.6K? Obviously I knew that it was going to be hot running in a gorilla suit, but I had no idea that it would be THAT hot. What is it made out of real gorilla fur? I guess it’s probably not, because that might conflict with the whole “save the gorillas” theme of the race. So if they’re going to use synthetic gorilla fur anyway then why can’t they make it out of some dry-fit, wicking material so that it’s nice and cool? Have we as a society not yet become technologically advanced enough to make a wicking gorilla suit? I think science needs to step it up a little here, maybe even pull some people off that whole curing cancer thing so that this can happen.
Also, when I try to raise my arms in the air (and wave ‘em all around like I just don’t care) the suit kind of gives me a wedgie. You’re probably thinking “well just do like McCain and don’t raise your arms in the air,” and that’s good advice but you’ve clearly forgotten this picture of my running style, and I’m using ‘style’ in the loosest possible sense of the word. Between the sweating and the wedgieing it’s not going to be a good day to be Vanilla’s underwear, and man oh man how I hope that you were eating lunch when I graced you with that visual.
I’m still trying to scrape together some items to make this costume less gorilla and more “Gorilla Ice” because that would be cool, and not at all geeky or nerdy despite what other people might say. I’m not sure yet if it’s going to happen or not, but I guess you’ll just have to wait until Monday when I have some pictures to post with my race report, and maybe, if you’re lucky, a video too.