Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Running is a Harsh Mistress

Last night’s run sucked, it was a VW Jetta run for sure. I skipped my long run this past weekend (meaning I didn’t do it, not that I was skipping for 12 miles) and then I sacrificed yesterday's morning run on the alter of the sleep gods. Sleeping in felt good, but I’m pretty sure the running gods punished my indiscretions with a crappy run last night.

I set up my Garmin for some 3 x 1600 intervals and headed out down my usual running trail. The warm up and initial interval went pretty well, but then it headed down the crapper faster than a supermodel’s purged lunch. My legs felt like lead weights, my breathing was off, I was extremely hot, and my ears were ringing, which has never happened before but can’t be good. I’ve tried to come up with every possible excuse reason for my horrendous performance and can’t think of any. I guess that there are just some days when you are going to have a bad run and on days like yesterday, even wearing your lucky rocketship underpants won’t help.

Daily DNC Report
Hey, if I have to put up with all the disruptions it brings, you have to hear me whine about it. Hopefully, I’ll be able to bring you all a little flavor of the DNC at the end of some of my posts this week.

I know I said yesterday that I would not be revealing my political affiliation or candidate of choice but I’m going to break my silence today and throw the full weight of Half-Fast behind one candidate who I saw campaigning yesterday on the mall. I am officially endorsing Captain Morgan.

A platform of booze and wenches is one that I can definitely get behind. Incidentally, this reminds me of a joke. A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s helm protruding from his pants, the bartender looks at him and says “Hey, you’ve got a ship’s helm sticking out of your fly!” The pirate snarls at him and responds “Ayy matey, ‘tis drivin’ me nuts.” Completely unrelated, but a funny joke, no?

I also took a flyer from a woman with a sign that said “Stop Bird Porn,” because I think that bird porn is going to be one of the topics that decides the outcome of this election. Here is an excerpt from the flyer: “The elderly find that Bird Watching is not strenuous. And this erotic experience can be enjoyed privately through binoculars. Most disturbing are groups of Bird Watchers seeking vicarious sexual gratification in the woods. Shamelessly, they blatantly observe God’s defenseless creatures mating. LEAVE THE BIRDS ALONE!”

As you can see, crazy has busted onto the scene here in Denver in Kramer-esque fashion, (unfortunately in some cases, complete with racist overtones). The bird porn lady is just one example of crazy and she’s got it all wrong. I mean, I agree that these dastardly peeping toms are the pondscum of society, but if birds didn’t want to be seen mating then they wouldn’t do it in my front yard for all the world to see. Stupid, exhibitionist birds! She says stop the voyeurs, I say stop the exhibitionists!

Interestingly, the flyer was translated into Russian on the back which leads me to think that maybe our Russian immigrant friends are the ones who need to hear her message.


  1. I can't believe bird porn lady didn't touch on the epidemic of teen bird pregnancy. That's why I leave tiny condoms next to the bird feeder every morning.

  2. Well, I think you about sewn up your spot atop the listing for any Google searches on 'DNC VW Jetta bird porn wenches'.


  3. LOL at Nitmos and Adam's comments.

    I think you'd make a great campaign manager for the Captain...

  4. Alas, the running gods always seek vengeance. And seriously, who is that lady to judge the elderly watching a little pron Discovery style?

  5. Donald Duck Does Dallas!

    I crack me up.

  6. Wenches + bird porn = Wild Wrenches. Dirty, dirty birds.

  7. #1 - Captain morgan should have come to my running thing last week! He would have fit right in.

    #2 - Judging from the people I see in the audience during the news coverage, Denver would be highly entertaining right now! You should start wearing buttons supporting all the candidates!

  8. I would firmly endorse Captain Morgan for President as long as his running mate for VP was Coke. Captain just isnt the same without Coke.

  9. I'm sorry about your crappy run. You should think about quitting. I think about quitting every day.

    Oh, who am I kidding? I'm just looking for a friend to get fat with.

  10. My best friend is also experiencing DNC hell, but at least she's being paid to endure it. That's what she gets for being part of the media. Soon she'll be at the RNC. She's the true definition of bipartisan.

    And the bird porn lady ... I think she should be more concerned with squirrel porn. Have you seen the size of their nuts?

  11. Sorry about the crappy run. Probably some accursed bird watchers were lurking off-trail, cursing you in Russian as they peered through their binoculars. See? It IS a problem.

  12. I love the pirate joke. Thanks for sharing... and bird porn is an interesting platform.
    All hail captain morgan.

  13. Oh man, I have so much dirt on Captain Morgan. If he runs, he's going to have pay me to keep quiet about his days getting high-schoolers drunk. He shouldn't have gotten on my bad side!


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