It is a rare occasion that I see the inside of a fast food restaurant, and not because I prefer the drive through. Nevertheless on Wednesday night my wife and I found ourselves with only minutes to spare before the start of the movie we were going to see and we popped in to one such establishment. I don’t want to name the restaurant for fear of a lawsuit but let’s just say that it rhymes with Pentucky Lied Stickin’ and generally just goes by its initials. So we walked into this PLS and a quick glance around at the size and shape of the patrons confirmed my suspicions: I was better than all these people. You see, when I go into a fast food joint I like to look down my nose at everyone else in there because I eat healthier than these people do, I’m in better shape than these people are and I’m a runner. As fellow runners you have my permission to feel like you are better than the peasants that regularly frequent these locales and to let it be known that they are beneath you.
As we stepped up to the register and began to order, the portly woman who was waiting for her food rudely interrupted, “Excuse me! Are those fries fresh?”
“I’m sorry Ma’am?” replied the incredulous teen behind the counter, eyeing her suspiciously for sneaking the word ‘fresh’ into a PLS.
“Those fries,” she said waving a plump finger in their direction, “they look like they’ve been sitting there for a while.”
“Ohhhhhh, no. No the lamp keeps ‘em hot,” replied the teen before throwing a casual “Hey make sure those fries are hot,” over his shoulder to the “chef” in the back. I’m guessing that they probably made sure that this lady’s fries were hot by hocking a loogie onto them, or maybe worse.
What was amusing to me was that the word ‘fresh’ obviously wasn’t even in this kid’s vocabulary, or if it was it was filed under hot or toasty, but I don’t blame the kid. The word ‘fresh’ is not something that management had taught him, it’s not a word you should be associating with a fast food joint. ‘Fresh’ is a punchline that the ad execs throw around in their meetings, ‘fresh’ is the inside joke that upper management laughs about when they see it slathered all over their newest marketing campaign. If you really want fresh, you don’t go to a place that has heat lamps.
While we were waiting for our food Candis turned and whispered “you want me tell them to make sure it’s fresh?”
“No,” I laughed, “just make sure they don’t give us that lady’s fries.”
We quickly ate our greasy, unfresh chicken and left to go see the movie Get Smart because unlike some people, I haven’t surrendered my huevos to my wife just yet, at least not when it comes to movie choices.