Friday, July 11, 2008

Fast Food

It is a rare occasion that I see the inside of a fast food restaurant, and not because I prefer the drive through. Nevertheless on Wednesday night my wife and I found ourselves with only minutes to spare before the start of the movie we were going to see and we popped in to one such establishment. I don’t want to name the restaurant for fear of a lawsuit but let’s just say that it rhymes with Pentucky Lied Stickin’ and generally just goes by its initials. So we walked into this PLS and a quick glance around at the size and shape of the patrons confirmed my suspicions: I was better than all these people. You see, when I go into a fast food joint I like to look down my nose at everyone else in there because I eat healthier than these people do, I’m in better shape than these people are and I’m a runner. As fellow runners you have my permission to feel like you are better than the peasants that regularly frequent these locales and to let it be known that they are beneath you.

As we stepped up to the register and began to order, the portly woman who was waiting for her food rudely interrupted, “Excuse me! Are those fries fresh?”
“I’m sorry Ma’am?” replied the incredulous teen behind the counter, eyeing her suspiciously for sneaking the word ‘fresh’ into a PLS.
“Those fries,” she said waving a plump finger in their direction, “they look like they’ve been sitting there for a while.”
“Ohhhhhh, no. No the lamp keeps ‘em hot,” replied the teen before throwing a casual “Hey make sure those fries are hot,” over his shoulder to the “chef” in the back. I’m guessing that they probably made sure that this lady’s fries were hot by hocking a loogie onto them, or maybe worse.

What was amusing to me was that the word ‘fresh’ obviously wasn’t even in this kid’s vocabulary, or if it was it was filed under hot or toasty, but I don’t blame the kid. The word ‘fresh’ is not something that management had taught him, it’s not a word you should be associating with a fast food joint. ‘Fresh’ is a punchline that the ad execs throw around in their meetings, ‘fresh’ is the inside joke that upper management laughs about when they see it slathered all over their newest marketing campaign. If you really want fresh, you don’t go to a place that has heat lamps.

While we were waiting for our food Candis turned and whispered “you want me tell them to make sure it’s fresh?”
“No,” I laughed, “just make sure they don’t give us that lady’s fries.”

We quickly ate our greasy, unfresh chicken and left to go see the movie Get Smart because unlike some people, I haven’t surrendered my huevos to my wife just yet, at least not when it comes to movie choices.


  1. I'm pretty sure we runners are the only people that can actually handle eating at these places. Ms. Fresh Fries was surely endanger of a massive coronary by waving that plump finger.

    Have a fine weekend.

  2. i think that's the feeling i get when i'm in walmart. i don't understand where those people come from; i don't find them anywhere else.

  3. So I am guessing it wasnt finger lickin good?

  4. I'll bet you asked yourself:

    "Hey, what's with all the fat people."

  5. Kevin, it was pretty good, just not fresh.

    RazZDoodle, I would never stoop to that kind of mean-spiritedness! ;)

  6. HA - maybe they used 'fresh' greese to cook your unfresh chicken? Who knows, maybe a little extra greese in your diet will help you 'roll' down the hill faster...

  7. Just a second. You have kids, right? And you get to go to the movies without them? Share your secret, man

  8. I used to work at my aunt's restaurant and there was a lady who was vehement about not having the fries and chicken fingers touching in the takeaway container. She never asked to have them placed in two different containers nor seemed to understand that both products were just fried in the same vat of oil. Some people are just stupid.

  9. Obviously Kristina hasn't learned the "crack the windows" method of child care yet. It's kid tested; mother approved. My mother works for CPS, by the way. Really. She does.

  10. How does a man surrender his eggs?

  11. "How does a man surrender his eggs?"

    Its not really "surrender" as it is more of a fast surgical procedure, kinda like neutering a dog (the poor creature), so it's done and over with before the hapless lad is aware of what happened.
    Sometimes, a mother-in-law hands them over to the daughter-in-law while the groom is nervously laughing at the best mans snide comments about being "the man" in his house.
    Anyway, a caring wife will show her the husband the jar where they're stored at on special occasions.
    Most of the times husbands would just as soon not be reminded of their "condition."

  12. You mention PLS, and all I can envision is fried rat. The very initials make me vommit a little in my mouth.

  13. I will never go into a PLS. Gross.
    I liked the movie get smart too. i was thinking it would be lame but itw as pretty good:P

  14. When I look at who is going into those places, it makes me sick! I always feel better about myself and better than them that I'm not giving in to that crap. I don't know the last time I ate fast food, and that is a good thing. Gross.

  15. Totally different mentality when I go in a fast food restaurant. Granted, I think the last time I ate something from a fast food place was about a year ago. All the same, I love it. I am a particular fan of Wendy's.

    Spicy Chicken Sandwich? OoOoO. I'll take two. Fries? The lamp (and lots of salt) is the key to flavor. Would I like to add a Frosty to my order? Only if it comes in a small bath tub.


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