Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Analyze This

[by Candis]

It’s that time of year again, time to panic. It’s 11 days until the Bolder Boulder. It’s the race that made us runners. For those of you who don’t know (where have you been?) every Memorial Day thousands of runners trek to beautiful downtown Boulder, Colorado. We trek for 30 minutes- some Kenyans trek further (it’s why I never win, not my 10:40 pace). [Ed. Note: This year Deena Kastor and Ryan Hall are also treking to Boulder.]

I’m not panicked about my training. I’ve run year round and followed a strict scientific plan the last 12 weeks (FIRST). I’ve researched tapering so as not to repeat last year. (Did you know that if you taper too much it can be seriously detrimental? Of course you did- shut up.) Plus, it’s only 6.2 miles- almost all of my runs the last 3 months have been longer than that. I’ve dropped 5 lbs, 3% body fat, and shaved over a minute off my pace. It’s minor but it’s a step in the right direction. I should be out of excuses and ready.

Ya, right. Ian probably never lets on, but I’m a little obsessive compulsive [Ed. Note: A little? And Amy Winehouse has a ‘little’ drug problem.] So every year when we hit May- I hit panic. I run the same but my mind runs into overload.
  • Is my tapered schedule right?
  • Should my hair just be in my normal ponytail or would a bun without any movement help. I want all momentum going forward not side to side like a little girls hair- yup I think about it with each swish.
  • Does a visor help enough blocking the sun to compensate for the loss of the cool breeze?
  • Should I run through the sprinkler or dump water on my head if I get really hot? It must cool your body several degrees and add a nice breeze for a block or two, but it will make my face and eyes sting, my glasses slip and add ounces of water to my frame that may cost me valuable seconds (like 3).
  • What shirt should I wear? I feel like I get super hot when I run. Maybe just the Under Armor base gear? Maybe sleeveless? I ran in just my sports bra once but I chafed and I don’t know if that’s really appropriate- unless you’re Katie Holmes. [Ed. Note: This is diametrically (+8 word score) opposed to official Half-Fast policy which is in full support (pun intended) of women running in just a sports bra.]
  • Which clothes weigh the least? Nope, none of my stuff will work. I will have to go buy those $28 Adidas short shorts (Ian will be happy.) They weigh like an ounce less and aren’t black. (Can you say butt on fire?)
  • Should I eat my pre-race Rice Krispie bar 30 minutes or an hour before?
  • When do you pin your bib on your shorts? Before the drive? On the shuttle while you wait? While you’re waiting in the starting wave? What if a big wind comes up and blows my number away?
  • What if I carb load too much? Last year I was so nervous (first 10k) that I didn’t eat hardly anything and the wench of a waitress (that’s right I know who you are) wouldn’t bring me my bottomless breadsticks until I had ordered.

Now I realize you’re saying “she said 10:40 pace not 5:40 right?” Yup- and I still care, these are all important decisions that could affect my time. Now you can feel sorry for Ian, but just this once.


  1. Oh boy, I totally could have written this! For what it's worth I vote for the new shorts. ;>)

  2. I'm still trying to figure out why I'm supposed to feel sorry for Vanilla.

  3. This is my plan for this year's BB:

    * Yes
    * A bun. Wind resistance, baby!
    * The visor is worth it. And cute.
    * Sprinkler. But be careful not to get your shoes waterlogged. Don't forget to cue porn music as the water is hitting you and you're whipping your hair around.
    * Sleeveless. Show off your buff arms.
    * A new ensemble is ESSENTIAL.
    * 45 minutes.
    * Before the drive. Because what if you realize on the shuttle that you don't have your bib?!?
    * There's no such thing as too many carbs. You should probably start now. Go grab a brownie. I'll wait. :)

    Good luck, and maybe I'll see you there. :)

  4. I, for one, think you SHOULD buy new shorts, shirts, shoes, visor, sunglasses, and a plasma TV to watch the footage from the race on the nightly news. If you need to rob the savings account to do it, so much the better. Well, worth it. With all the non-running Vanilla has threatened after this race, he'll have that much more time to take on a second job.

    Good luck.

  5. Obviously you need the new shorts!!! & maybe a new sports bra that won't cause chafing!?!?!?

    I think the bun (I call it a knot), because the swooshing hair is a distraction, if nothing else.

    I also think you'll do fine & I'm super excited about the weight loss, body fat lost & the MINUTE, cause I’m in that 11+ m/m range & a good 20lbs over weight, so if i could start dropping some of that, maybe running will be slightly easier? If nothing else, faster!!! :O)

    & I think you should go ahead & let Deana win this one......she is trekking all the way to Boulder. . .. .I'd give her this one. ;O)

    Screw the Kenyans though.

  6. Candis, you're awesome! I do a bit of obsessing myself, but since I'm fairly new to running, it hasn't come out in full force yet. I can only hope to be as good at it as you are.

    Oh, and I agree with the others--definitely buy the shorts. And a new bra.

  7. For putting up with Vanilla I think you should buy whatever you like. Good luck to you both.

  8. There are so many things to worry/think about! I can add a few:
    1. How much caffeine is too much caffeine? What if it has "adverse" effects?
    2. Mascara or no mascara? I hate leaving house without, but too much sweat and it's dripping all over.
    3. Need to drink enough water, but don't want to have to go to the bathroom while racing - will totally mess up my time.

    We're all a little crazy ~ that's why we run. ha ha.

  9. The new shorts will make you faster. So the only reason Iam would be against them is because he's scared you'll beat him. Which you may.

  10. Jess-
    In my dreams I beat Ian.
    he'll run at ~8:40 pace and I'll run 10:40 +/-.
    Maybe it's like money... You don't want your wife to earn more money or be faster... Ian's not worried:)

    thanks for the encouragement!

  11. just don't carbo-load minutes before the run with fettuccine alfredo and you'll be fine. oh, and don't refuse water as a sign of solidarity with rabies sufferers.

  12. Too funny...I'd go for the new shorts, something new always makes me feel better.

    Good Luck!

  13. I also do the bun when I run (hey - that rhymes!) but now I've chopped a lot of hair off so I have to do these sad little pigtails instead.

    I always splash the water down my back - that seems to help.

    Finally, I only pin the top half of my bib when I leave the house, leaving the bottom dangling with pins attached. Then when I'm at the race, I pin the bottom. I just hate getting it all crinkly during the shuttle and stuff.

  14. You sound exactly like me with all this overanalyzing! You'll do great, relax and have fun.

    ...and I always pin on my bib the night before. and put my chip on my shoes too. Or sooner. As soon as I get my race kit.

  15. I take my carbo loading tips from Michael Scott and eat a huge bowl of Fettuccine Alfredo right before the race!

  16. Candis, I get just as crazy before a race, so I feel your pain, sister.

  17. Candis, Ian is a moron if he doesn't want you to earn more money. Hee hee

    We all get a little bit crazy. It will all work out. I figure if you are this worried about it you will pretty much do the right things over hundreds of morons who did nothing and said, hey let's try to run that. You will be fine, girlie.

  18. I'm pretty sure that if if Katie Holmes ran without a shirt, she'd have had her cheating tits arrested for indecent exposure. Just sayin'.


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