Thursday, April 24, 2008

Pick-Up Lines for Runners

You’re milling around prior to the start of the race or maybe after it’s all over and you’re checking out the other runners because let’s face it, runners are sexy. Maybe not right after a race, but as compared to the general populace I’d venture a guess that the readers of Half-Fast are in better shape (read: sexier) than say the readers of the Cupcake Blog (although I’m quite sure that I just lost several readers with that link - I’m looking at you Kelly). Regardless, you can’t just walk up to another attractive runner and strike up a conversation because you don’t know if you have anything in common with them. I mean, obviously you both have running in common, and training and the race you’ve both entered, but sometimes that’s not enough and you need a good icebreaker.

In order to help all you single runners out I’ve been compiling a list of effective pick up lines that you can try, and because I go the extra mile (figuratively speaking only) I also tested some of the lines out so that I can rate their effectiveness or complete lack thereof. As many of you know I’m married, and because I’d like to stay that way I’ve only been able to test these lines out sporadically on Mrs. Half-Fast. And if you’re lamenting how much she must have to put up with in being married to me then let me just tell you, YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

Pick-up lines are ranked on a scale of one to shagerrific with one being the worst and shagerrific being, well, shagerrific.

Pick-Up Line: So you like speedwork? Because I’m always up for a quickie.
Response: “You’re a dork” accompanied by a rolling of the eyes.
Rating: 2 out of shagerrific.

Pick-Up Line: Let’s kick off these running shoes and I’ll show you MY “motion control.”
Response: She grabbed my butt! W00t! Of course at the time we had both absorbed copious amounts of wine so maybe that had something to do with it.
Rating: A perfect shagerrific out of shagerrific. *boom chika-bow-wow*

Pick-Up Line: There are 2 ways to reach your target heart rate: you can run or I can take off my shirt.
Response: This line proved to be 100 percent effective in getting me a purple nurple, so if you’re into that kind of thing, this is the line for you.
Rating: 1 out of shagerrific.

Pick-Up Line: I’d like to see YOUR Bodyglide.”
Response: “Are you working on a blog post?”
Crap. Busted. The rest of these pick-up lines haven’t been properly tested because my wife is on to me. Use them at your own risk and discretion. (Half-Fast not responsible for the black eye you or your ego are sure to receive while performing these lines.)

Pick-Up Line: Wanna’ play Strip 5K? (Important Note: Only challenge a slower runner to play Strip 5K, otherwise you just end up naked AND a loser.)
Pick-Up Line: I’d like to see your race-y pictures at the finish.
Pick-Up Line: Are your legs sore? Because they’ve been running through my mind all day.
Pick-Up Line: You like fast? I can be fast.
Pick-Up Line: Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I pass you more than once?
Pick-Up Line: So... do you run here often?

You know what? Unless anyone has any better suggestions in the comments, then maybe you’d be better off striking up a conversation about one of the many running topics that you are sure to have in common.

This has been another completely useless post at Half-Fast. There goes 3 minutes of your life that you can’t get back. You’re welcome.

31 comments:

  1. That post completely made my day. Thanks for the laughs!

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  2. Say, nice camel toe ...

    Works every time.

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  3. There are always dudes yelling things like "Hey speedy" and "Run faster!" out of their cars at me.

    It always get me hot and bothered.

    @Viper — 'Nice moose knuckle' also works if you're picking up the opposite gender.

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  4. "Boy, you so fast I'd love to see your skidmarks"


    Nah, back to the drawing board.

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  5. I think I may have pulled my groin muscle, could you apply some pressure?

    This is successful 9 out of 10 times

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  6. Isn't one of these half-inched from Friends?

    (see what I did there ;)

    Monica: Wow! You're really fast!
    Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you!

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  7. Perhaps you could just take a shortcut for your Strip 5K and run a 5K naked.

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  8. Pick-Up Line: There are 2 ways to reach your target heart rate: you can run or I can take off my shirt.

    Seriously. I would go out to dinner with him.

    It made me laugh.

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  9. I'm so happy I'm married because 1. I don't have to use pick-up lines and 2. if I wasn't I might actually be tempted to use one of these for the pure hilarity of it (no one would turn you down if you had the balls to use one of these gems).

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  10. 1. thank you for the laughs
    2. I agree with srod, I'm so glad I'm married and don't have to put up with lines like that. :)

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  11. Man if I wasn't married it would be ON! But wait, that would look bad right? A chick trying to use pick up lines on a dude. Gaawwwd I've been out of the dating game for so long LOL

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  12. Some good ideas here. So, if I try one at my next race, I will let you kno how it works.

    Or I can just have a t-shirt made that says "i'm single. ask me out."

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  13. ***reality update***

    Ian skipped his 8 mile run today to play Wii!

    Nitmos, I expect you to have a field day with this...

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  14. "Do you believe in love at first sight...?" That's awesome. Humor and a laugh is never completely useless. Thanks!!

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  15. Possible pick-up line: My running group was focusing on form the other day during our speed work session. As I ran past the guys, I yelled, "Is my chest out?"

    I'm not sure it counts as a pick-up line, since it's not particularly sexy pointing out my running bra-enhanced flat chest. But it did get a laugh ...

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  16. fantastic post! (first time here!)

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  17. hahaha, LOL, thanks for the laughs...too funny!!!

    ;^)

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  18. Danny, welcome to Half-Fast.

    Ali, that might work well for women, but I don't suspect that it would end well for a guy. In fact, I think it's pretty much an invitation to get punched in the balls.

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  19. 3 minutes on Half-Fast's blog is rarely ever a waste of time. I needed and appreciate the laugh. My favourite (not the PU Line but the Response):

    Pick-Up Line: I’d like to see YOUR “Bodyglide.”
    Response: “Are you working on a blog post?”
    Crap. Busted. The rest of these pick-up lines haven’t been properly tested because my wife is on to me. Use them at your own risk and discretion. (Half-Fast not responsible for the black eye you or your ego are sure to receive while performing these lines.)

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  20. OMG....those are hysterical. I have an embroidery business....I might put some of those on shirts!

    The Laminator had a post where he called being passed by a woman while running as being "chicked"...I am loving that one too!

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  21. Jess, I saw at least two guys running the Boston Marathon who had on shirts that said some variation of "I'm single" on the front and had their phone numbers on the back.

    And to everyone - don't laugh about all of these. I have used the "so do you run here often?" one quite seriously :)

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  22. hahaha

    i wrote my phone number on my back and ran boston. got some interesting calls and a sun-tan of my number on my back in case i forget what it is.

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  23. Kootz, I am really curious what people said in their voicemails! When I saw the guys running, they were kind of cute but I was like... what the heck would I say if I called them? Maybe that's where some of these pick up lines would have come in handy.

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  24. I just thought of this one "Wow, you're all sweaty, wanna share a shower?"

    Thanks for the laugh and the lines, thankfully I don't need them. I'm happily married.

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  25. great post. Go on like this!

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  26. Hey POM I'll run right next to you wearing that same shirt...surely we'll pick someone up.

    Or we can just hope they resort to awesome lines like there are two ways to reach your target heart rate, you can run or I can take my shirt off.

    HAHA great post.

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  27. This was great. I am married but may still have to try them. My wife has started running and I will try them on her.
    One more for the finish line:
    "When you passed me I felt like running faster but following you from behind was inspiration enough. Thank you" There are several scenarios from here. If a slap is not issued then passing some digits on and/or walking away can work. Others are a little more risky.

    And the running through the mind line is just cheesy.

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  28. Just found your blog. Thanks for the laughs!

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  29. I just found your blog--love the pickup lines! I'll have to break some of these out at my next race :)

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