Wednesday, March 12, 2008

A Beautiful Day for a Run

Yesterday was a beautiful day here in Denver. We had blue skies, warm temperatures, an extra hour of daylight and a general feeling of goodwill towards all mankind. (We’re good people here in Denver.) As I drove home from work I saw runners out on the trails, I saw cyclists, I even saw several couples walking their dogs. It was almost as if everything was working together in perfect harmony to make me go run. By the time I got home I was more excited than I’ve ever been to go out and run. In fact I think it’s safe to say that I was bubbling over with more anticipation than a pimple-faced 13 year old who has just stolen his first Playboy.

I arrived home to a family that was happy to see me. “I’m so glad you’re home,” said my wife as she briskly walked past me and out the door I’d just come in.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“I’m going running,” she said and then she threw one more comment over her shoulder as she headed out for her run. “The kids are in the backyard. Good luck!”

And then she was gone. I stood there all alone wondering what had just happened. My wife is a runner so it is no surprise that she went running, but something felt different. It quickly became clear that she was using running as an excuse to get away from the kids. It was evident that she just wanted to have them out of her hair for an hour or two. I have to admit that I was a little disappointed. Using running as an excuse to get away from your two crazy little boys is shameful and selfish, and quite frankly I called dibs on it. Seriously, that’s my racket. What’s next? Is she going to start peeing in the shower? Is she going to start monopolizing the remote? Is she going to start pretending that she doesn’t know how to load the dishwasher to get out of doing it? Is nothing sacred anymore?

Despite my world being turned upside down, I was still excited to run. I changed into my running clothes and couldn’t contain myself any longer, I needed to run. So, with my wife out running and my boys ricocheting around the backyard, I decided to go run a few warm up miles on the treadmill. After a couple of miles my 4 year old came down to the basement and I was certain that he was about to tell me that Mom was home.
“Dad, can we turn on the hose?”
“Why not?”
“Same reason they don’t give guns to monkeys.”

Typically, I would have told him “because I said so,” but it’s not like he pays attention to me anyway so I occasionally throw out a confusing answer just for fun. He left and I continued my run on the treadmill, all the while wondering if the hose was being used. ‘A few warm up miles’ quickly turned into a few intervals and before I knew it I had completed my entire workout on the treadmill. Good thing it was such a beautiful day outside. When my wife returned home I went outside and ran a cool down mile, mostly because it seemed like a waste not to. For those of you who are wondering, the hose did not get used.


  1. Peeing in the shower??? Doesn't everyone? :P

    Now I've got you all wondering.

  2. guns to monkeys. Friggin hilarious! I'm going to use that just to see the look on my kids' faces.

  3. RazZDoodle, I use that phrase all the time but I can't take credit for it. I saw it long ago on some sitcom - I can't even remember which one.

  4. I second Nancy's comment :-).

    I *heart* this beautiful weather!

  5. I third it...I thought it was ok to pee in the shower?

    Oh boy...

  6. For fear of sounding like a 13-year-old girl, I won't say "I HEART THIS POST". Instead, "dude, this was a great post, man." Too funny for it's own good.

  7. I fourth Nancy's comment, fo sho! LOL

    I like your wife. She's a smart, smart woman. Nothing like running out the door before the man has any chance of objection LOL

  8. Yep, peeing in the shower is not just reserved for men. And not to tattle on The Marine's manliness, but he NEVER gets the remote.

  9. “Same reason they don’t give guns to monkeys.”

    That is classic. I can't wait until my boy is old enough for me to use it on him.

    You're probably going to have to start running before you get home! So she can't pull a fast one on you like that.

  10. I'm not sure you EARNED the nice weather run yet. No, the treadmill is the place for you. Good choice.

  11. Nitmos, you sure sound like an Arch Nemesis!

    b.t.w. It was the nicest, quietest, run- did you know there are people that don't scream all day, demand chocolate milk or claim their right to back to back to back movies!? Who knew?

  12. I can so relate to your wife!! A bit of time out from my two youngsters is bliss. Having said that, more often than not they follow me on their bikes when I head out for a run.

  13. love the comment you gave your little one...

  14. How dare your wife usurp your privilege of using running as an excuse to escape! You must get control of this situation immediately.

    Actually, I must admit that I to chuckle at your wife's cheekiness in leaving you at home. Next time, be prepared.

  15. Wives cooped up with small children are unpredictable! Never underestimate the planning of a woman who loves to run . . . might I suggest that you drive home in your running gear next time so that you can simply step right out of your car and head for a run. It seems that you'll need as much of a head start as possible with your fast-footed and fast-thinking wife!

  16. "Is she going to start peeing in the shower?"


    seriously, LMAO lololololololololol

  17. As long as we aim it in the drain, I found it to be ok.
    WTG Mrs. Vanilla for jetting out for the run!

  18. It's probably only a matter of hours before I steal that "guns to monkeys" line.

  19. ditto to Brianna, "Never underestimate the planning of a woman who loves to run." Amen.

    p.s. The monkey thing only works for so long. Then they start using it back on you. It's not so funny then.

    (Hey! Why don't you have your pajamas on yet?

    "the monkeys took them...")


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