Wednesday, February 27, 2008

It Slices, It Dices

Are you sick of having too much money in your wallet? Are you looking for the next great piece of exercise equipment? Is your Giddyup already lonely in the guestroom and needing company? Then I have got the deal of the century for you. May I present the MultiFlex and iBSlender “home gym.”

I’m really not sure what you’re supposed to do on these things so if any of you suckers own one maybe you can let us all know what you do with it. Nothing I’m guessing, but just look at the description of it (emphasis mine):

You can now exercise 20 minutes a day while you are watching television or talking with your family and friends. Be at home and having fun while you work out and get a great back massage...
...A Massage While Working Out? With the Multiflex Core Component, you’ll be able to get the stomach muscles you’ve always wanted while simultaneously getting a back massage.

It massages your back and it works your abs from the comfort of your own home while you watch TV? It sounds too good to be true which means it probably is, and quite frankly it looks like an evil Johnny 5 robot sent to earth to watch over us and attack when it receives the command from the Mothership.

Arghhh! Help! It’s eating my hair! Help!

I’m sorry to tell you that if you own the MultiFlex or the iBSlender then uBStupid.

And don’t even get me started on the name of this contraption. (Too late.) Apart from the fact that it appropriately draws your attention to the letters BS in the name by having them be the only uppercase letters, it is downright shameful how unoriginal it is. Apparently, in the copycat marketing departments of today’s corporations, putting a lowercase “i” in front of a product name is the new black. I’ve got to tell you though, every time iSee someone use this technique it just reminds me how much iHate iPod and iTunes for starting this iDea in the first place. Seriously, it’s about as original as a TV commercial that shows everyone ordering a double chin with a side of love handles. Hey, look at me, I have a marketing suggestion: I’d like to order a TV commercial that comes up with an original idea and could I get a side of creativity with that?

Coming up with your own iDeas: Priceless.


  1. "uBStupid"


    It's comments like this that keep me coming back for more.

  2. Hahaha!

    I also have to note that it looks like in addition to eating hair, this contraption turns you into a one legged mutant - seriously, does she have two legs?

  3. We like you when you rant. :D

    Let's see the endorsement deals coming in now... Please please please Mr. Vanilla, won't you give our i-BS-product another chance?

  4. Oh, this post was hilarous! You had me at "Are you sick of having too much money in your wallet"! iCracked up!

  5. Seriously? You guys haven't tried these yet? They "rock" my world...:P

  6. Holy crap that thing looks dangerous. I like the Short Circuit reference. Hilarious!

  7. I'd seriously injure myself with that contraption!

  8. Just looking at the damned thing has given me lower back pain.

  9. I knew a girl who had one of those in her bedroom. She was also really into leather. And whips.

  10. That thing looks like a death trap! Eeegads!!

  11. My soda just came out of my nose. Where do you get this stuff.


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