Friday, January 4, 2008

You Won’t Find It Here

A few months ago I posted some of the interesting Google searches that led people to Half-Fast (Finding Half-Fast). There were some very strange and bizarre searches to be sure and due to morbid curiosity I have continued to track what search terms are bringing people in to my blog. I’m afraid to report that it is even worse than the last time I did this. Over the last few months the phrases below have led people here but I seriously doubt that they found what they were looking for.

The below list has NOT been edited for spelling, grammar or sheer alarmingness - what? It’s a word, if it’s not it should be. (My commentary in parentheses.)
  • treadmill placement
  • stretch my balls (Excuse me?)
  • why do my balls ache (See above.)
  • how to stop urself from peeing your pants
  • pictures of me peeing my pants
  • women who has to pee bad
  • i pee myself wet pants
  • "pee on me" shirt (???)
  • squat pee marathon running (Do I really post about peeing that much?)
  • I've got the poison, I've got the lemonade (Note to self: Don’t drink the lemonade.)
  • do guys like matthew mcconaughey (What’s not to like. He’s dreamy.)
  • what to write to a girl for the first time (Nothing from this list.)
  • "write like a girl"
  • how to sound like a girl (This is troubling in so many different ways.)
  • tear away underwear (Rrrawr!)
  • longest flaccid penis (Why yes, yes it is thankyouverymuch.)
  • jessica simpson stems
  • katie holmes no underwear (Also sounds fun.)
  • slutty wife half bra (Sounds offensive.)
  • running dog treadmill pooping (crazy weirdo searching disturbed)
  • hairy runner
  • world's longest human tongues
  • elite runners blogs (Bwaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha!)
  • john wayne bobbit blogspot
  • just f@%&ing give me an elevation map (Frustrated much? – Note, I did edit this one.)
  • running inspiration

That last one really cracks me up. Inspiration, really? Inspiration is like a shooting star - you won’t find either one here at Half-Fast. Have a great Friday everyone, I can’t believe that it’s already the weekend. These 3 day work weeks are really kicking my butt.


  1. Running Dog Treadmill Pooping?

    That sounds poetic.

  2. Scary.

    And now that you have said all those things AGAIN, you will be higher in the hits!

  3. I find you inspiring. So there.

  4. Are you serious with all these?! Love the elevation map one. Sounds like my kind of googling...

  5. So damn funny. Hairy Runner! Ha! What the hell is up with all the pee searches? People are strange.

  6. Hairy runner?!? What the hell . . . .

  7. I'm new to blogging and running and can assure you I didn't find your blog by searching any of the following:

    Thanks for the inspiration. Keep it up :)

  8. You don't want to know what I searched to find your blog.

    And you totally write like a girl.

  9. LOL, why do my balls ache & how to sound like a girl. I have to see what these posst that pulled up.

  10. Viper, you were probably one of the searches that was too crass to use.

    And bite me.


    Only enhanced by your elegant commentary, have a great w/e!

  12. No searches on "how to run half fast"? Next you can list "searches I would like to be found in" and you will be.
    I found that "fast women" was a popular subject.

  13. You gotta feel really wonder about "running dog treadmill pooping."

    I'm picturing a very unfortunately-named Native American with sadistic and somewhat psychotic parents.

    Actually, there is such a thing as a dog treadmill, so I suppose this was just an innocent inquiry into what you do when your dog craps on it.

    Either way, I hope they found what they were looking for.

  14. Tear away underwear? Really? I must have missed that post........

  15. This is the first time I've stumbled upon your blog (I may or may not have used one of the search terms to find it!), but judging by what your content apparently relates to I reckon I'll be back!!

  16. Those are interesting, to say the least.

  17. To funny!
    Writes like a girl - LOL
    Not runs like a girl?

  18. The "run like a girl" marathon was my favourite cartoon.


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