Thursday, October 4, 2007

You Write Like A Girl!

The ultimate insult is very difficult to achieve, but when done correctly it can be quite effective in making the target feel like a quivering mass of useless flesh. A putdown of that nature can be witnessed in the following video clip taken from The Sandlot.

"You play ball like a GIRL!" - Ouch!

Half-Fast was recently listed as one of the Top 100 Health and Wellness Blogs by the Nursing Online Education Database (NOEDb). At first I was pretty happy about this news but then I went and actually read the review (emphasis mine):

"Vanilla" writes an entertaining blog about her running skills, where she claims that she's neither fast nor slow but always in the middle of the pack. Great advice on treadmill use and other sage tips.
Ughhh!! Shoot me! Shoot me now! 'Her' running skills? Yeah, I've got your great advice and sage tips RIGHT HERE! *grabs crotch in overtly masculine fashion*

This means one of a few of things: 1) Whoever compiled that list really hasn't spent a lot of time here at Half-Fast, I mean you don't have to scroll very far to see a post titled My Balls Ache. 2) I should never have written about my running skirt experience. 3) I write like a girl! I'm going to say it's probably the first one because that's easier on my ego. I actually suspect that the list was put together to get 100 health and wellness bloggers to link back to the NOEDb site while excitedly screaming to their readers "Look! I got linked in a Top 100 list! It's right here! Go see it!" And it is working to perfection, we running bloggers are like a pack of lemmings. On the other hand what do I care? Any publicity is good publicity right? Even if it isn't anatomically correct.

I guess that's the price I pay for trying to be anonymous. So if you're here for the first time from the NOEDb Top 100 link, welcome to Half-Fast, make yourself at home. My name's Ian and I'm a guy. I'm sorry if that disappoints you. Feel free to poke around my blog, my e-mail is up top in case you want to contact me, there are some links to some of my favorite posts on the right and please leave the seat up if you use the bathroom while you're here.


  1. Don't get your panties in a bunch!

  2. Ohhh poor you, what a riot! At least you're not being all emotional and female-like about it... ;)

  3. One of my favorite running quotes is: "He said I run like a girl...I told him to hurry up and he could too."

    Okay, so that probably doesn't really make you feel any better, but it seemed like a good place to insert some sharing.

  4. I always wanted a sister.

  5. Your Not?

    That list is funny. I link to about 4 or 5 of those blogs. My sister started a blog (#44) and I am probably the only one to link to her and she's on the list.

    It should have a disclaimer - "No research was done or animals harmed in the making of this list".

    But, what really burns me is - I'M NOT ON IT!

  6. Well you whine like a the confusion is easy to see. :)

  7. WE know you're a guy,Vanilla!!!!

  8. Unlike grandma, I don't know that you're a guy. I am, however, perfectly willing to take your word for it ;)

    Maybe they were confused because Vanilla ends with an "a", and usually that signifies a woman's name not a man's? Or maybe Vanilla Ice was really a woman after all, and they're confusing you with him/her?

  9. Well, at least it's way cool that you made a top 100 list! Definitely a step in the right direction!
    Nice work Mister!

  10. That running skirt is going to haunt you forever.

    I have made this mistake before with a blogger who shall remain nameless. Thought he was a girl for the longest time until he finally said something about this wife. I was in total shock!!

    Leave the lid up ?!! LMAO

  11. Take a couple of Pamprins and you'll feel better about it.

  12. Your name is Ian? Wow, that's such a pretty name for a girl. :)


  13. What type of sports bra do you wear? ha ha ha.

  14. It was definitely the running skirt. That sucker will haunt you until you actually just go ahead and run in it. You know you want to. LOL

  15. Hey Vanilla,
    Do not get it personally. Those that care know you are a dude. And those that do not know, probably do not care anyways.

    However they made a point here. Vanilla sounds girly. Like driving a pink New Beetle and getting surprised at the raised eyebrows from all the guys that did not expect to see a male driver in it :)

    On one hand, this incident could bring you to senses about the brand name you picked for yourself.
    On the other hand, “Vanilla” nick for a guy is cool because it is totally unique and provocative.

    Half-Fast blog by John Smith? Ok, whatever…

    Half-Fast blog by Vanilla? Who happens to be a guy? And never discloses his identity?
    Intriguing… Let me read what he’s writing about…

    OK, I take it back now. It is a awesome nick. Do not change it :-)

  16. It should be "you write like an entertaining girl". :)

    Joggle on.

  17. that's pretty funny! you kinda do write like a girl. is that a bad thing? :)

  18. i'm here trying to find a photo that i thought you posted of a bunch of guys in spandex, whose um, manliness...err, it's hard to explain! anyway i stumbled on this post again, and laughed my ass off AGAIN!


Please note: If this post is more than a week old then Comment Moderation has been turned on and your comment may not show up immediately.