Thursday, October 11, 2007


My race preparation has been sabotaged. Who would do such a thing you might ask? An angry reader out for revenge? A fellow competitor looking to gain an edge? No, it was my wife! I got home last night and this was the scene that I walked in to:

Not just a bag of Halloween candy, but an ALREADY OPENED bag of Halloween candy. I’m days away from my half marathon, I’ve been tapering my running and I’m trying to equally taper my eating so as not to gain weight, but alas temptation has been thrust in my face.

“Just don’t eat any until after Sunday,” was my wife’s suggestion, and under normal circumstances that would be the solution. Believe it or not I do have a modicum of will power and self-restraint, but the bag contains some of the best candy ever invented: The Vanilla Tootsie Roll. If you’ve never had a Vanilla Tootsie Roll then you haven’t lived. I’m no fortune teller, but I suspect that when I finally kick the bucket and my ticket gets punched it will be the first time the coroner has ever written OD: Vanilla Tootsie Rolls in the cause of death entry blank. And while the mortician will eventually be able to wipe the gooey-Vanilla-Tootsie-Roll-drool from my face he will not be able to get rid of the goofy smile. No, I’ll still be smiling six months after I’m dead.

In fact, the reason that my blog is called Half-Fast and not just ‘Fast’ is because of Vanilla Tootsie Rolls. Well, that and because ‘Fast’ would be a pretty lame name for a blog, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Vanilla Tootsie Rolls are the reason that I will never win a race, I’m convinced of it.

I leave you with this:

Vanilla Tootsie Rolls - they make me want to dance and shake my money maker too.


  1. Thank you so much for giving me back a few minutes of my senior prom.

    "Cotton candy sweet and low let me see that tootsie roll"...those were good times.....

  2. I am also a fan of vanilla tootsie rolls, but I think I like the chicken noodle soup dance more than the tootsie roll dance.

  3. Dude... you so did not just put that tootsie roll clip in your post. I love it. Thanks for the last laugh of the night!

  4. Vanilla you better get away from that shiznit. I have you down for 1:59:59, don't let me down homie! ;-)

  5. Way to crap on the other Tootsie Rolls, hot shot.

    (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)


  6. Ick. I hate tootsie rolls, even vanilla ones. Sorry!

  7. Now I will never be able to eat a vanilla tootsie roll without thinking of you.


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