Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Guest Blogger: My Running Shoes

Every now and then I have a guest blogger write a post here at Half-Fast just so that I don’t have to write one, and so that you get to read something from someone other than me. It’s really a win-win situation. Today I’d like to introduce a new guest blogger who hasn’t posted here before. Please give a warm welcome to: My Running Shoes.

Right Shoe: Hello to all of Ian’s readers and welcome...
Left Shoe: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I don’t think he wants you using his real name. I think you’re supposed to call him Vanilla.
RS: Vanilla? Really? That’s so lame!
LS: I’m just saying.
RS: Sorry. Hello to all of Vanilla’s (*snicker*) readers. We are sorry to have to tell you that we believe that Vanilla (*snicker*) has given up on running. We haven’t seen him since that lady jabbed and poked us trying to cut the timing chip off at the end of the Denver half marathon.
LS: I thought she was quite nice.
RS: Well that’s because you NEVER carry the timing chip. Anyway if any of you readers happen to see Vanilla (*snicker*) around then please tell him that it’s been 9 days since he last ran. 9 Days! Do you know what that makes you?
LS: Don’t say it!
RS: It makes you a ‘JOGGER!
LS: Oh no you didn’t!
RS: That’s right. I said it. You’re a JOGGER! You like to think that you’re hardcore, you like to think that you’re a dedicated runner but you aint nothin’!
LS: You are going to get us replaced for a newer pair of shoes.
RS: You know what I wish? I wish that we’d fit well on that guy that came into the store and tried us on before we ever saw Vanilla (*snicker*). That guy was fast! If he’d have bought us we’d have won some races with that guy. None of this middle of the pack, taking 9 days off, slowly jogging, crap. You’re not half-fast, you’re all-slow! And you’re probably getting slower from not running! And while I’m at it, haven’t you ever heard of nail clippers? Hello? I’m sick of getting stabbed every time we go out.
LS: You’re going to get us replaced.
RS: Well maybe that’s for the best. If it means that I never get peed on again then I’ll gladly retire.


  1. Hay Right, you should be happy your picture from the Race is outstanding, and Vanilla is hiding Left. I think that Left would have been more upset about that. Maybe Valilla will start using both of you to shovel snow or take you to a World Series Game. Go N.L., dispite beating the Diamond Backs.

  2. That right shoe is a pisser, isn't he?

  3. Well, I assume the shoes are "he"s since my shoes, feminine, would never talk smack about me.

  4. Ha ha. I'm glad my shoes can't talk - they would tell everyone how stinky they are.

  5. I think shoes would have to earn a world series to see the Red Sox. These have not performed well enough- maybe your work shoes. Look at us having a conversation about shoes. Ingenious topic!

  6. OMG!! Your shoes have totally been talking to my shoes. Creepy.

  7. I think you're going stir need to start running again :o)

  8. Left is the goody two shoes.

    HUH, 9 days?? I only took two off. Your shoes are going to be really mad when they read that.

  9. If you want to teach your shoes a lesson, you are welcome to walk them through my backyard before I clean up after the dogs.

    By the way, why do they look so clean and new? Even my new shoes don't look that good.

  10. I think when it comes time to vote on Best Vanilla Posts, this one is a shoe-in.

    (Oh come on. Somebody had to say it.)

  11. "P.O.M. said...Ha ha. I'm glad my shoes can't talk - they would tell everyone how stinky they are."

    My shoes **can't** talk -- they are perpetually passed out from the smell!

  12. I gotta' agree with the other Amy - start running Vanilla you are starting to get a little loco in the head. :}

  13. Dude...9 days? After three days without running, life becomes meaningless.

  14. Make sure you only pee on RS anymore... He's a bit cheeky.

  15. Dude you have isshoes!



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