Thursday, September 13, 2007

I'm Running 2,561 Wienermobiles

It's Wienerific!

A number of weeks ago Just Your Average Joggler had a post where he discussed the length of a marathon using some non-standard units of measure. Today I will be employing the use of my plagiary tag and re-writing his post in my own words. I feel really guilty about it because I'm quite sure that no blogger has ever taken another blogger's idea and posted it onto their own blog. Ever.

As you know I'll be running the Denver Half Marathon on October 14th and while most people think of a half marathon as 13.1 miles I think I might prefer to think of it as:
  • 2,561 Wienermobiles.
  • 702,748.29 Cockroaches laid end to end, but I feel sorry for the .29 of a cockroach that has to be brutally murdered and sawn in half to complete this analogy. (OK, no I don't.)
  • 221,337.6 Flaccid penises laid end to end. No word on whose flaccid penis that is and I really do feel bad about the 0.6 in this analogy. Is there any way we can use John Wayne Bobbitt's since it may already be a 0.6? (Did you know that there are 2 C's in flaccid or that it can apply to something other than your wiener? It's not a word I like to use a lot so I had no idea.)
  • 47.56 Empire State Buildings laid end to end.
  • 3,547 Small Intestines.
  • 9,764.89 Shaquille O'Neals laid end to end.
  • 11,857.37 Giraffe's Necks.
  • 16.47 Trips across the Golden Gate Bridge - That somehow makes it sound better.
  • 1,419.69 of the World's Longest Snakes. I hate snakes.
  • 0.262 Panama Canals. (Did you know that if you spell the phrase "a man, a plan, a canal, Panama" backwards it says the same thing. Also, did you know that's called a Palindrome?) You did not!
  • 207,504 Human tongues, meaning that a human tongue is roughly a quarter inch longer than a flaccid penis and there is no way to prove this because a human tongue has never seed a flaccid penis.
  • 230.56 Football Fields
  • 0.00655 Oregon Trails.

Also of note, I weigh the same as:

  • 11.48 Spider Monkeys.
  • 2,592 Human Eyeballs.
  • 0.146 Testicles of a Right Whale. Now I don't know what a Right Whale is pero él tiene huevos grandes.
  • 3,227 Quarters.
  • 36 Chickens.
  • 1.47 Jennifer Anistons.

I weigh 1.47 of these. I hope she's not stretching cold muscles prior to going for a run. Only an idiot would do that, right?

If you'd like to know how tall you are in tongues or if you want to know how many breast implants it would take to equal your weight you can visit the weird converter and figure it out. Be sure to let us know if you find any that are interesting.


  1. You totally made me snort!

    I can only imagine the google searches that will now lead people to your blog.

  2. I can just see myself at work tomorrow morning, trying to make conversation while the coffee machine is working its magic:

    Turns to her nearest colleague "So, do you know what the mean ejaculate volume of a white rhino is?"

    Hmmmn. Probably should wait until after they've had their first cup of coffee before I spring that conversation opening on an unsuspecting coworker. Or maybe just wait until they've taken that first sip... just to see their reaction.

    This could be entertaining after all ;)

  3. Go hang a salami I'm a lasagna hog!

  4. Live not on evil!

    I loved to see what you did with the weird converter.

    Good luck in the half marathon.

  5. Very helpful information! People can't really fathom what 13 miles is like, but if I compare it to football fields I know the guys at work will finally get it! Now if they would just quit asking if I pee myself to avoid stopping during a race.

  6. I can say that I weigh 93.8700042886 900cc breast implants. We will have to be nice and ROUND that up to 94, we do not want any lopsided boobies going down the street, especially that size.

  7. Oh my crap. I'm laughing so hard that I just woke my son up....thanks a million :o)

    Holy FREAKING funny Vanilla.

  8. My tongue is super long. I'd say definitely more than 1/4 inch longer than a flaccid penis. Not that I've ever measured it against one....


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