Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Idiot vs Treadmill - Part 2

A number of months ago I posted Part 1 of this little series and at the time I knew that there would eventually be a Part 2. I knew that after having made fun of people for falling off treadmills I would eventually get mine. I knew that my comeuppance was coming, so to speak, that what I sent around was on its way back around. Well, last night it completed the circle and came back around like a Mack truck in the dead of night.

I was running on the treadmill, which is never something I like to do, but I was scheduled to run 4 x 1600 intervals and the high school track that I usually run on was unavailable. In between my intervals I broke one of the cardinal rules of running on the treadmill: Never try to get back on it while it's still running. I should know better.

It was after my first interval that I decided to jump off the treadmill and turn the fan up to the highest setting. Having adjusted the fan I turned around and stepped onto the side rails of the treadmill so that I could commence running again. Except I missed the left side rail with my foot and was surprised to find it rocketing towards the back of the treadmill like a fighter plane shot off an aircraft carrier. My finely honed survival skills instantly kicked in, and with ninja-like quickness I put a kung-fu death grip on the hand rail with my right hand. As my left foot disappeared off the back of the treadmill it caused my body to twist violently before being thrown off to the right of the treadmill in a spinning motion that left me facing away from it. Still holding on with my right hand I got my feet beneath me and as I pulled myself up the treadmill tipped slightly towards me. Now back in control of my balance I let go of the treadmill and sent it crashing back to it's upright position with a thud. I quickly composed myself, climbed back on and started it up again.

A couple of seconds later my wife came bursting through the basement door. "Are you OK?" she asked. I looked at her with my best expression of shock and surprise as if to say whatever do you mean? Look at me running. Look at me. Does it look like I've just fallen off the treadmill? Would I look this composed and calm if I had just been flung from the treadmill like dog poop off a shovel? Do you not know that I have cat-like reflexes? Puh-lease woman, I take umbrage at your insinuation. My wife frowned. "Maybe it was the boys?"
"Maybe what was the boys?" I replied still feigning ignorance.
"I thought I heard a loud noise. It must have been the boys."
"Yup. Must've been," I answered in my best indignant voice as if she should be ashamed for even having thought that I could fall off the treadmill. What kind of amateur does she think I am?

And that my friends, is how you fall off a treadmill. Here endeth the lesson.


  1. Thanks for stopping by!
    This video is extremely funny by the way - I laughed my guts out: when it comes to an-idiot-vs-a-treadmill type of a situation, as a rule the former never scores :-)

  2. Picturing this incident has me falling off my chair laughing! You and Amy (Lawsons do Dallas) crack me up with your treadmill stories. So far, mine has never thrown me, but I suppose that's because I'm a walker, not a runner yet (maybe someday--I still have high hopes).

  3. Do you wear the safety clip?

  4. Great way to get the adrenalin flowing... and you didn't hurt yourself?

  5. Glad I'm not the only klutz in the family. You should install a video camera in the corner to catch any future falls on tape. Then YOU could be one of the idiots on YouTube!!!

  6. You and my husband could form some type of club. Would you mind reenacting the event and putting it on your website? I'd REALLY like to see it live.
    Ohhhh....I'm crrracking up!

  7. Oh I dread the day. I believe it is almost a guarantee for those that choose to run on treadmills ... especially when it comes to long distances. I just hope if (when) it happens to me that there isnt anyone around to bear witness. At least you can thank your luck for that ;)

  8. Those treadmills are out to get runners -- that's why ya gotta avoid 'em. They'll eat ya up!

  9. You forgot to tag this, Posts I hope my wife doesn't read. I'm guessing she knows not to believe you by now anyway.

    At least you did this in private. I once did something similar at the Y with a room full of on-lookers. Ouch to the ego.

  10. I always have issues with treadmills when I try to watch TV and run. For some reason, the TV's at the gym are never quite directly in front of the treadmill, they're slightly to the left or to the right. So as I watch, I tend to drift and then almost fall.

    Still, the only time I've ever fallen off of a machine was off the stationary bike. I was finishing up and forgot that my right leg caught on the strap thing on the pedal. I went right down on my face. The person next to me nearly fell off of the elliptical because they were laughing so hard.


  11. Note to self: buy a camera and a treadmill. I could be famous.

    I remember taking skiing lessons in Missouri (we called it a mtn., but it was a hill) with all the newbies lined up like dominoes. You guess it, the guy at the end fell and knocked over all the rest. This was before youtube, but not before tv.

  12. Hahah at least you were at home when in happened! I saw someone bite the dust on the treadmill at the gym once...in front of about 75 other people...how embarrassing for them haha!

    Also that YouTube video...hilarious!

  13. That, my friend, is why I loathe treadmills. They attack people.

    So not cool of them.

    Good recovery though. You sir are my idol!

  14. You've got me giggling like crazy! Nice hiding it from your wife! ;) Whenever I am unfortunate enough to run on a treadmill, I always get on it when it's still running (like when I drink water or whatever). I might discontinue that now. But then again...it might make a good blog entry. I'm sure I wouldn't be as fortunate as you, though. I'd be calling for my hubby to come and save me!


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