Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Run In The Morning? No Thank You

I don't ever run in the mornings. Ever. I run after work when I get home. Sure it is usually hotter at that time, and sure, it takes time away from my family, and yes, it gives me more of the day to make excuses why I shouldn't run, but it does have the added benefit of not being the morning.

I'll admit that lately I've been considering how much more time I'd have in the day if I ran in the mornings, but I just don't think it's going to happen. I am not a morning person. I despise having to get up early and often hit the snooze button upwards of 10 times. I abhor getting up to run in the mornings. I don't think you understand just how much I hate running in the mornings, so allow me elaborate. Here is a list of things that I would rather do instead of running in the mornings.
  • I'd rather sleep.
  • I'd rather listen to nails on a chalkboard.
  • I'd rather round up stray dogs wearing only Milk-Bone underwear.
  • I'd rather go hunting with Dick Cheney.
  • I'd rather run every day for two months.
  • I'd rather slather my ear in BBQ sauce and play Chinese whispers with Mike Tyson.
  • I'd rather wear a Vick jersey and leather pants to a PETA rally. (I could totally make that outfit look good.)
  • I'd rather get into a pissing match with a used car salesman about the warranty.
  • I'd rather get between Rosie O'Donnell and the buffet.
  • I'd rather you give me the full length slide show presentation about your recent prostate exam.
  • I'd rather eat yellow snow.
  • I'd rather watch those annoying erectile dysfunction commercials on a continuous loop.
  • I'd rather bet money on the Cubs winning the World Series this year. (Yes, I'm aware that they've come on strong lately and as of this writing are only a game out of the division lead, but they're still the Cubs.)
  • I'd rather have an enema.
  • I'd rather watch a Yankees game with a know-it-all Yankees fan. (Redundant?)
  • I'd rather have my teeth cleaned by my barbaric dental hygienist.
  • I'd rather this conference call that I'm on continue another hour because people are asking inane questions.
  • I'd rather you include me in your chain mail forwards.
  • I'd rather submit to a lie detector test where my boss asks me if I blog at work.
  • I’d rather SLEEP.

So as you can see I'd rather not run in the mornings, thank you very much. Despite all that, I'm going to attempt to run in the morning tomorrow, so you can probably expect a mumbling, caffeine aided, complaint filled rant of a post. I'm scheduled for a 6 mile run which means I'll have to set the alarm about an hour earlier than usual, or just leave it set as is and not hit snooze. I can't even type that with a straight face. Not push snooze? Yeah. Sure. That'll happen.


  1. Why in the world run in the morning? Don't do it...don't turn to the dark side!! Stay in bed...hit snooze and then after two snoozes turn the thing off.

  2. It should be more fun than ever reading your blog tomorrow.


  3. Yeah, I agree. Don't. Do. It. I have no words of encouragement or motivation. It's going to be horrible. Trust me. No good can come of this crazy idea.

    ... can't wait to read about it! I'm bringing an extra large coffee and really good muffins and tuning in in the morning.

  4. Am I the only one that's going to say "Do it!!!" I HATE getting up at 4:30am BUT once I get going it's not so bad and the rest of the day is clear :-)

    You. Me. We can watch the Yanks together :P

  5. From a diehard Cubs fan, I feel ya, man. I have a wonderful relationship with my snooze button. It gets more love than my kids do in the morning ;)

  6. What a great post! I like running in the morning but rarely have a chance - but I feel I can apply your extrememly complete list of "I'd rather" to other adventures in my life. Especially the one about staying on the the conference call another hour..can't get enough of those

  7. I love that you're blogging during a conference call. But really Vanilla, you've gone too far with the Yankees fan thing. Are you really sure about that?

    Think hard.

  8. Tomorrow morning is going to be a great time for a run. the sun will be rising. You'll get to see the Rockies at their best. The cool air will feel incredible. Your legs will feel fresh and you'll love your run after the first mile. your gonna have a great run.

    It almost makes me want to get up to run too. Nah, my bed is going to be really warm. my wife will be by my side, my pillow extra soft and the kids are old enough to get up on thier own and catch the bus.

    Enjoy your run, I'm getting sleepy already.


  9. I believe the world will stop rotating on its axis tomorrow...Marcy, I'm with you. The AM has a bad reputation on this post. Morning runs make conf calls more tolerable...

  10. Huh.. it must be genetic. I have to set my alarm for an hour before I actually need to be up. I just HAVE to or I'll be late. Oh who am I kidding, I'll still be late anyways.

  11. Awww, you guys. You're making me get all misty with your kind words of encouragement... no... wait... I might just be crying at the looming early morning run tomorrow.

  12. I obviously haven't had enough coffee yet... an image of stray dogs wearing milk bone underwear confused me for a second...

  13. ugh. Yankee's suck. Ya, I said it.
    And I'm with you on the morning runs. Not going to happen on my end.

  14. Can't wait to hear about your morning run.

  15. LOL I do believe I have met a kindred spirit! I hate running in the mornings too. I have done it when I needed to but I would much rather go in the evening.

    So do tell how was the run this morning?

  16. haha ... once upon a time i had this attitude as well. it took me 2 full months to get used to running in the morning. i don't love it, and i'd so much rather sleep in - but what i do love is that nothing gets in the way of it & i'm done by the time the rest of the world is waking up. no workout looming over my head all day. its done. i am totally coming back to see how your morning run went!

  17. I find the only real time I can run is in the morning especially in the summer heat. I understand the need to sleep in, but I wish i could motivate myself to run at night. I guess everyone has their preference

  18. Running in the morning is the oly way to go.. AWWW how I love them morning runs.


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