Thursday, August 2, 2007

Finding Half-Fast

How did you arrive at Half-Fast? Did you follow a link from another blog? Did I leave a comment on your blog and you traced it back to Half-Fast? Did you find me from a post on the Runners World forums? Did you Google something and Half-Fast was the answer? (Doesn't seem likely.) Fortunately, I have this wonderful tool called sitemeter so I probably already know the answer, not for you as a specific reader but I know where most of my traffic comes from. What follows is a list of some of the more unusual Google searches that brought people to Half-Fast. If you've been here for a while you'll probably understand why most of these searches landed people here, if not that's what the search feature (up top) and the archives (bottom right) are for. Get to it, you've got some catching up to do. NOTE: I've left these exactly as there were typed into Google, spelling mistakes and all. (My observations in parentheses.)

  • Fergie Nude (Pervert!)
  • Fergie
  • If you have any poo fling it now (This one has occurred at least a dozen times.)
  • gazelle vs lion quote
  • hammock joke
  • Ali Landry Splits (Hopefully someone searching for Ali Landry's marathon splits, but could've been looking for a picture of her doing the splits, in which case: Pervert!)
  • Ice Cream Waffle Sandwich (Mmmmm, I need another one of those.)
  • What is Jessica Biel's workout
  • machismo pics (I don't even want to guess what this person was searching for.)
  • kissing too fast excuses (Interestingly enough, Half-Fast was the #1 search result at the time.)
  • nude runner (Pervert!)
  • Fergie barefoot (Pervert!)
  • loch ness marathon route map elevation
  • blow me im asthmatic
  • men like to be lazy (Shut up!)
  • naked running (Pervert!)
  • barefoot to neck (Pervert!)
  • nudist running (Pervert!)
  • rhyming fast (Pervert! Wait... No... Sorry, I got carried away there.)
  • race report peeing pants (Weirdo!)
  • workout how my time runners (I can't even work out what you were searching for.)
  • see me pee pee (Seriously? What are people searching for?)
  • pee on me shirt (Disgusting!)
  • Baconator nutrition (Wendy's will be pleased to know that my post shows up 4th among the results.)
  • Jim valvano don't ever give up inspirational speech (It probably took you longer to type this into the search than it took to watch the video you were looking for.)

And the number one most bizarre Google search that landed someone here? Half Fast running blog. Bizarre because someone was actually looking for this blog, someone intentionally subjected themselves to reading the tripe that I write here on a daily basis. Inconceivable! The shocking conclusion that all this leads me to, is that the Internet is chock full of perverts. Inconceivable!

As I ready myself to post this, it occurs to me that I've just made it twice as likely that I'll get tagged on these searches again. So if you're one of the folks who came here looking for Jessica Biel naked (aren't we all) then I'm sorry to tell you that you're in the wrong place. We don't tolerate your type around here.

16 comments:

  1. I googled some of these and sure enough... there you were. Scary. I found Half-Fast by being related. I am unfortunate enough to have been raised alongside Half-Fast Vanilla...and yet somehow... I'm the one considered half-fast in the family. How do you do it? Where does he get these incredible toys??

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  2. That’s my little sister folks. Can’t figure out why she’s the black sheep of the family or apparently why a post titled Finding Half-Fast would have a picture of Nemo. Someone please explain it to her. Oh, and congratulate her on her upcoming wedding in what, 3 weeks now? Hey, while I’m thinking of it I won’t be able to attend because I have a Fantasy Football Draft that day – can this count as my RSVP?

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  3. Lol..ok, ok, I get it now. Finding Nemo, Finding Half-Fast. I guess I just don't expect to have to think about a child's movie to understand your blog.

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  4. I just hooked myself up with Sitemeter today. Pretty sweet! You notice that I look at your page 1832908492742834 times and stay on for 137813719:16 minutes? :P LOL

    I actually stole that blog rating thing from you awhile back (the one that you were only rated PG for HA!), I have no idea how I ended up at your blog but I did. And then maybe a week or so later you magically appeared in my comments :P

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  5. lol. my main blog (not my running blog) also gets some crazy ass searches...

    i found you through Joe's "learning to run" blog! one more thing to thank joe for!

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  6. Hi there! I came from Crabby (and I too, wish I would've thought of "Crabby McSlacker" first...)
    Love your site, although only a sporadic runner. My husband is training for a marathon though and I think he'd really like it over here too.

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  7. I searched for my blog and found yours. Oh well? Actually, I'm going to put in Jessica Biel naked so I can get some more hits.

    pat

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  8. Oh my god, your post had me rolling on the floor laughing..!! Gotta love that SiteMeter, although so far I have not been googled for anything as remotely interesting as you have been. Mostly "hydration packs" and "Calgary swimming holes." I found you because you found me first and left a comment on my blog.

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  9. I can't honestly remember how i got here, I think I was handed a flyer on the Vegas strip.

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  10. +1 to Ali. LMAO! I knew that handing out fliers would drive traffic here.

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  11. I'm always afraid of posting some of the sillier searches that landed people at my blog, just in case the "leotard torture" person or the "splenda gives me gas" person became regular readers! I'd hate to embarrass them.

    And I will never again make the mistake of mentioning "bouncy breasts" in a post on running bras. That was the number one search term for my first four months and I am only now seeing it drop off behind "Cranky Fitness." I'm hoping by mentioning it over here you'll get all the bouncy breast folks instead of me.

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  12. Thanks Crabby, I'd love to have all the "bouncy breast" folk... wait... I might be reading that wrong.

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  13. You are a refreshing part of my day. I wish I could have found you in an interesting way, but alas, it was due to running.

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  14. I think I found you via PAT's Blog.

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  15. I found you via nikkicinnamon's blog. "Winning Women" keeps getting hits on my blog. Used it as a joke title once; it won't go away.

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