Here at Half-Fast I like to be as helpful as possible and with that end in mind I have a few tips and suggestions for the race organizers.
- Hire more experienced “cone placers.”
- New promotion: “Earn $5 off next years entry fee for every extra tenth of a mile you run.”
- Double check the course distance.
- Don’t introduce a new race on the weekend prior to the State’s biggest road race. Only a week prior the Bolder Boulder 10K annually attracts over 50,000 runners. Since it’s a bad idea to run a marathon a week before you race a 10K you’ve just eliminated 50,000 potential entrants who might have otherwise signed up.
- Don’t run a marathon on Colfax. For those of you not familiar with the Denver area Colfax is known as a street where a fellow might acquire female companionship for a price. If you must run a marathon on Colfax, at least name it the Rocky Mountain Marathon or something that cultivates a pleasant image.
- Un-plug the toaster and use the tip of your butter knife to pry the bagel free. Apply a healthy schmear of cream cheese, lox and just a pinch of fresh dill. NOTE: The fresh dill makes all the difference, but if you’re not a fan you can also substitute basil pesto for a wonderful revelry in your mouth. Huzzah!
Executive Race Director Mike Collins could not be reached for comment because the phone number he left had one too few digits. Collins did sit down with the Rocky Mountain News Assistant Editor Bob Findlay, who had suggested he might consider lowering the $90 entry fee but "... he defended it as in line with the fees for other premier marathons." Quick note to Mr. Collins, you are not a premier marathon. When was the last time Boston, New York or Chicago made the runners go an extra half mile? Oh that's right. Never.