There’s No I in Team

… but there are two in Bonnie Richardson, who has absolutely no use for teammates. Richardson was the only track and field athlete at Rochelle High School to qualify for the State meet, but didn’t let that minor detail get in the way of her winning it all. On Friday Richardson took first in the high jump, second in the long jump and third in the discus, ho-hum. On Saturday she won the 200 meters (25.03 seconds) and took 2nd in the 100 meters earning herself a team score of 42 points which was good enough to win State. It’s an inspirational story, destined to become a Lifetime original movie that I’ll pretend my ever-supportive made me watch.


Bonnie Richardson, pictured above either competing in the long jump or wishing she had read Emergency Procedures: Quicksand.

Richardson is a gifted athlete who also plays tennis and basketball for Rochelle High School (pictured below) while I struggle to tie my laces and wear matching socks. She may have more talent in her big toe than I do in my whole body but I don’t have to convince someone else to buy me beer. Winner? Me.

Source: Chicago Tribune, via WL.

To Slip ‘n Slide or to not to?

This could be me!
I think I might have mentioned that I’m running the Bolder Boulder 10K on Memorial Day and I’m always tempted by the Slip ‘n Slide that is usually on one of the front lawns along the course. This year I thought that I’d put it up to a vote of my readers to determine whether or not I should do the Slip ‘n Slide in the middle of my 10K.

If everything went according to plan, there is a poll at the bottom of this post that you can use to register your vote but before you do, please consider the following list of pros and cons.

Pros of Slip ‘n Sliding

• It will be wet, refreshing and will cool me down.
• The kids trying to recruit people will be happy that I did it, think about the children.
• If I swallow some water I might be able to forgo the next water station and make up the time the Slip ‘n Slide cost me.
• It will be fun.

Cons of Slip ‘n Sliding

• My clothes will be soaking wet, making them heavier, costing me even more time.
• Chaaaaaaaaaaaaafing!
• My bib could get torn off.
• Shoes. Squelchy. Sucks.
• Cold water = shrinkage
• It might cost me valuable time.
• What if my Garmin isn’t waterproof? Are you going to buy me a new Garmin?

That last one reminds me of this shady little watch repair shop located close to my office, where I assume you can buy $30 Rolexes that are hotter than half of Winona Ryder’s wardrobe. There’s a handwritten note taped on the door that says ‘we’ll waterproof test your watch.’ It makes me chuckle because I always picture the robust Greek owner coming out and handing someone their waterlogged watch back and telling them “Sorry, this watch is not waterproof.” But perhaps I should take my Garmin to them, after I make sure that they have a more scientific way of testing it than just deep sixing it.

Analyze This

[by Candis]

It’s that time of year again, time to panic. It’s 11 days until the Bolder Boulder. It’s the race that made us runners. For those of you who don’t know (where have you been?) every Memorial Day thousands of runners trek to beautiful downtown Boulder, Colorado. We trek for 30 minutes- some Kenyans trek further (it’s why I never win, not my 10:40 pace). [Ed. Note: This year Deena Kastor and Ryan Hall are also treking to Boulder.]

I’m not panicked about my training. I’ve run year round and followed a strict scientific plan the last 12 weeks (FIRST). I’ve researched tapering so as not to repeat last year. (Did you know that if you taper too much it can be seriously detrimental? Of course you did- shut up.) Plus, it’s only 6.2 miles- almost all of my runs the last 3 months have been longer than that. I’ve dropped 5 lbs, 3% body fat, and shaved over a minute off my pace. It’s minor but it’s a step in the right direction. I should be out of excuses and ready.

Ya, right. Ian probably never lets on, but I’m a little obsessive compulsive [Ed. Note: A little? And Amy Winehouse has a ‘little’ drug problem.] So every year when we hit May- I hit panic. I run the same but my mind runs into overload.

• Is my tapered schedule right?
• Should my hair just be in my normal ponytail or would a bun without any movement help. I want all momentum going forward not side to side like a little girls hair- yup I think about it with each swish.
• Does a visor help enough blocking the sun to compensate for the loss of the cool breeze?
• Should I run through the sprinkler or dump water on my head if I get really hot? It must cool your body several degrees and add a nice breeze for a block or two, but it will make my face and eyes sting, my glasses slip and add ounces of water to my frame that may cost me valuable seconds (like 3).
• What shirt should I wear? I feel like I get super hot when I run. Maybe just the Under Armor base gear? Maybe sleeveless? I ran in just my sports bra once but I chafed and I don’t know if that’s really appropriate- unless you’re Katie Holmes. [Ed. Note: This is diametrically (+8 word score) opposed to official Half-Fast policy which is in full support (pun intended) of women running in just a sports bra.]
• Which clothes weigh the least? Nope, none of my stuff will work. I will have to go buy those $28 Adidas short shorts (Ian will be happy.) They weigh like an ounce less and aren’t black. (Can you say butt on fire?)
• Should I eat my pre-race Rice Krispie bar 30 minutes or an hour before?
• When do you pin your bib on your shorts? Before the drive? On the shuttle while you wait? While you’re waiting in the starting wave? What if a big wind comes up and blows my number away?
• What if I carb load too much? Last year I was so nervous (first 10k) that I didn’t eat hardly anything and the wench of a waitress (that’s right I know who you are) wouldn’t bring me my bottomless breadsticks until I had ordered.

Now I realize you’re saying “she said 10:40 pace not 5:40 right?” Yup- and I still care, these are all important decisions that could affect my time. Now you can feel sorry for Ian, but just this once.

The Bolder Boulder Approaches

In 13 days my ever-supportive wife and I will be in Boulder, CO where 50,000 runners instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I’m talking about the Bolder Boulder 10K. Despite the fact that it has always been the most important race of the year to me, I seem to be lacking in the motivation department lately. I have not eagerly bounced out the door to go on my runs, I have had to be coerced and convinced by my ever-supportive wife. Unless my motivation improves, I’ll probably end up taking a week or four off after the Bolder Boulder.

Speaking of my ever-supportive wife, I think that she has a post coming up sometime this week which is good because my lack of motivation is also seeping into my blog writing duties. In the meantime, prepare yourself for a long string of posts about the upcoming Bolder Boulder including one where I set a blatantly unattainable goal for myself. As for today, you can head on over to CRN and check out my article on Race Shirt Etiquette.

10K on the 10th

Nancy hosted another virtual race this weekend and I ended up taking part as a last minute entrant. That’s the great thing about virtual races, you rarely arrive at the race and find out that they’re at capacity and have closed the registration.

I wasn’t really planning on participating in the 10K on the 10^th because it seemed like a no-win situation for me. I am running the Bolder Boulder 10K in 2 weeks and if I posted a crappy time on Saturday it could have served to dishearten me and cause me to think that I wasn’t ready for the Bolder Boulder. On the other hand if I posted a great time in the virtual race and then posted a worse time in Boulder in 2 weeks I was going to be seriously pissed. So on Saturday morning I set out to run my scheduled 8 miles (6 tempo miles with a warm up and cool down mile tagged on each end).I ran the 6 tempo miles so well that I tacked on another 0.2 miles at my tempo pace and decided to use that to enter Nancy’s 10K on the 10^th. So I technically entered the race with only 0.2 miles left to run. Thanks for being so lenient Nancy, you’re the best race director I know.

Here’s the splits:

Mile 1 - 8:36
Mile 2 - 8:34
Mile 3 - 8:32
Mile 4 - 8:29
Mile 5 - 8:24
Mile 6 - 8:27
0.2 - 1:41

Total Time: 52:43 (8:31 Pace)
That’s a PR by over 3 minutes. Hopefully I can improve upon that in the Bolder Boulder in 2 weeks.

Winner! Winner!

Sorry about that earlier post, I needed some time to put together the video below announcing the winner. I hope that you can all view the video because I’m not posting the name of the winner, at least not in this post, that would be too easy. If you can’t view the video then I suppose you’d better hope that someone who can is nice enough to tell you who the winner is in the comments.

Without further ado, here’s the official drawing.

Congratulations to the winner. If you’re the lucky one who was announced above as the winner then please e-mail me with your name, address and phone number to claim your new bike!

Have a great weekend everyone, and remember that you have until May 11th to enter the “Free Your Y” video challenge at http://www.areyouyoungenough.com/ where you could win up to $25,000.

The Winner of the Bike is...

... going to be announced a little later today! Bwaaa ha ha ha what a jerkish thing to do huh? I’m sorry if that upsets you (blatant lie) but I’m not ready to make the announcement yet, and do you know what you’re going to do about it? You’re going to sit there and take it. I’ll have the actual post up announcing the winner sometime later today (early afternoon). In the meantime have a Coke and a smile and enjoy the short video below of Olympic gymnast (and part time crime fighter) Alicia Sacramone that I recently stumbled upon at With Leather.

I believe the technical term for what just happened there is “pwned.” That guy looked like the prototypical hot shot, the one in high school that used to beg people to punch him in the stomach so that he could show them how tough he was. “Don’t worry, you can’t hurt me,” he’d say as I ran off to the counselor’s office with tears welling up in my eyes. Not so tough now are you Mr. I just got knocked the F out by a female gymnast! The only way that video could be better is if she’d told him that there were “going to be 2 hits, me hitting you and you hitting the floor!”

A Different Kind of Motivation

The following is a transcript of last night’s conversation between me and my ever supportive wife. Candis had just finished up her run, and I was trying to avoid mine. We have an unspoken agreement wherein you are allowed to say almost anything to your spouse to encourage them to go run. Here’s how that played out last night:

Me: I don’t feel like running tonight.
Candis: How come?
Me: I don’t know.
C: You really should go run though.
Me: [Dismissively] Yeah...
C: [Tilting her head a little to the side] Have you gained some weight?
Me: Ha ha, very funny. Actually, I think I’m down a couple pounds, so no I haven’t gained weight thankyouverymuch.

Moments later:
C: Hey I was looking at the running log you posted the other day and I think you may have copied it down wrong.
Me: Really? Why?
C: Well some of the times that you posted looked a little... you know... SLOW!
Me: I know what you’re trying to do, and it’s not going to work. I’m not a child. I can’t just be goaded into going running.
C: Alright, come here.
[She hugs me, I debate trying out a pick up line but before I get the chance...]
C: Are you sure you haven’t gained weight because you feel a little flabbier.
Me: I don’t think that’s a word. (According to Merriam-Webster it is. Great, just one more thing I’m wrong about.) And you smell a little sweaty.
C: That’s because I ran.
Me: Well maybe I don’t want to smell sweaty like you do.
C: Well maybe I didn’t want to be flabby like you are.

Yes, I went and ran. My wife for her part went and showered. Without me. :(

P.S. Today is your last chance to register an entry in the Great Bike Giveaway. Be sure to tune in tomorrow for the announcement of the winner. It could be you! Odds are it won’t be, but it could be.

Hey, Quit Stealing my Stuff!

I love getting my Runner’s World magazine in the mail (unlike some poor schmucks who have to walk to Walgreens for it). I love knowing that I have whole slew of running articles just waiting for me to read next time I’m on the can. Hey, don’t judge me, I have 2 kids and the only quality reading time I get is when I’m in the throne room.

So there I was, pants around my ankles reading my latest issue of Runner’s World when I came across an article titled Strike a Pose. Hmmmm, where have I heard of that before? Oh yes, I remember, it was RIGHT HERE! It was the title of my article posted over at CRN! Now forget for a moment that the two articles are dealing with completely different subject matter or that the phrase “strike a pose” is the totally obvious title choice for both articles (albeit a little cliché), they totally stole my idea. Obviously they read my article and loved my title so much that they decided to use it for their Yoga article.

No big deal I thought, as I sat there furrowing my brow from the straining of my bowels. I moved on to the rest of the articles, but it only got worse (the magazine not the straining). Up next for my reading pleasure was a whole series of articles called Love on the Run – “A look at the fun and playful ways that running and relationships intersect, including dating do’s [sic] and don’ts...” (Ha! A grammatical error right there on page 7! Even my dog knows that that apostrophe doesn’t belong there.) Hmmmm didn’t someone already do a fun look at running and dating? Maybe in the form of Pick Up Lines for Runners? Yeah, I thought so.

As if this wasn’t bad enough a few more pages back I found a review of the Pearl Izumi SyncroInfinity running shoes. Sure it was couched in amongst reviews of lots of different running shoes under the premise of the Summer Shoe Guide but I’m pretty sure I know of someone who just reviewed the Pearl Izumi SyncroInfinity. I did, right here. I suppose Runner’s World expects us to believe that they were always intending to include their Summer Shoe Guide in their June issue. What kind of fools do they take us for?

Oh, and don’t even get me started on how I felt about them talking about running skirts on page 75? Come on! Running skirts is totally MY THING! At this point I was so mad that I just had to get up and wipe.

So if anyone from Runner’s World is reading this, then you guys need to quit stealing my stuff. I’m sick of it.

Personal Running Log - April 2008

This is my running log for April. I post this mostly for my reference and to validate the fact that I am actually a runner. I always assume that everyone just ignores these posts because they’re pretty boring, but on the off chance that you are interested I decided to take a moment to explain the table below.

For the most part my long runs are supposed to be at a 9:11 min/mile pace, my tempo runs are at an 8:30 min/mile pace and my intervals vary by the distance I’m running (1600s at 8:06 pace, 800s at 7:51 pace & 400s at 7:41 pace). I run a mile for warm up and cool down at the beginning and end of each interval and tempo run. Those miles are reflected in the distance you see listed and the average pace which is why they might appear slower than they should. I’ve debated leaving those warm up and cool down miles out to improve my average pace but I ran those miles, and I want to be sure to take credit for them.

Don’t forget to register to win the Lipton bike if you haven’t already. The contest ends at Midnight on Thursday May 8th.

Date	Route	Type	Distance	Time	Pace
4/28/2008	6 Mile Long Hill	Intervals (4x1200)	6 Mi	53:28	8:55
4/27/2008	6 Mile Long Hill	Long	6 Mi	56:22	9:24
4/25/2008	6 Mile Long Hill	Tempo	6.01 Mi	53:51	8:58
4/22/2008	5 Miles Out & Back	Intervals (6x800)	5.63 Mi	50:30	8:59
4/20/2008	10 Mile Lake	Long	10 Mi	1:33:34	9:22
4/16/2008	5 Miles Out & Back	Tempo	5 Mi	45:43	9:09
4/14/2008	6 Mile Long Hill	Intervals (10x400)	5.9 Mi	54:09	9:11
4/12/2008	8 Mile	Long	8 Mi	1:13:03	9:08
4/9/2008	2 Mile Loop	Easy (with Dog)	2 Mi	19:08	9:34
4/8/2008	Home Treadmill	Intervals (misc.)	5.25 Mi	46:15	8:49
4/5/2008	10 Mile Lake	Long	10 Mi	1:31:43	9:11
4/3/2008	6 Mile Long Hill	Tempo	6 Mi	52:56	8:50
4/1/2008	Track	Intervals	5.91 Mi	51:28	8:43
Totals: Distance: 81.7 miles Total Time: 12:22:10

Weekend Splits

Weekend Splits is my recap of things that I found interesting or humorous over the past week. If you have a submission for the weekend splits e-mail me.

Ouch!

From Track & Field News; “Stanford’s Alicia Follmar took a hard fall on the leadoff leg of the Penn women’s distance medley. While she was on the ground, Follmar took a spike to the head but got up to finish a gutsy 3rd, the same position in which her team ultimately finished behind Michigan and Tennessee.”

• Leading off the Weekend Splits as always is my article over at CRN about the poses that runners strike for the camera. If you haven’t already read it then please go check it out because you’ll hurt my feelings if you don’t, and I’ve gotta’ warn you... I’m a cryer.
• Nitmos’ Lance Armstrong post was quite humorous and if anyone does know of an athlete with “speed yielding teats” then I too would love to suckle at them.
• The Science of Sport started a new series on Fatigue and Exercise and how it can affect your pacing strategy. It’s fascinating stuff that is worth your time even though some of it is above my level of comprehension.
• Roman over at Everyman Tri has a great article titled Taking Matters into Your own Hands, and if you’re taking that in the worst possible way that it could be taken then you’re on the right track.
• jkrunning found herself surrounded by armed Marines on her last training run, probably because she was singing along to Xanadu. I’m quite certain that subjecting others to Xanadu is a capital offense, if it’s not, it should be.
• Saucony Marketing left a comment a couple of weeks ago on an old post (Half-Fast Pronunciation Guide). They said that they’d never heard of anyone mispronouncing Saucony the way that I was, which I believe loosely translates to “you’re an idiot Vanilla!” They also pointed me to their new website, which I in turn am pointing you towards because maybe if they get enough traffic from Half-Fast they’ll send me a free pair of shoes. Who’s the idiot now?

Comments of the Week
Tons of great comments this week, especially on the Great Bike Giveaway post but I’m going to save those for another time. Two of my favorites were:

Frayed Laces on the My Favorite Running Hat post:
Totally my hat. Only I have the red “B” and the whole hat is one big sweat stain. The bonus? If you’re ever low on electrolytes, it’s a portable salt lick!

P.O.M. on the same post:
Like salt through the grungy hat,
so are the days of our lives.

Random Non-Running Related Video of the Week
Xenia at Diggin’ It sent in the following video for consideration as the Random Non-Running Related Video of the Week. As she mentioned in her e-mail it’s quite popular (over 14 million views on YouTube) but I hadn’t seen it before so maybe you haven’t either.

Have a great weekend everyone. Happy running!

My Favorite Running Hat

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.*

The above picture is my favorite running hat. I don’t always wear a hat when I run but when I do, this is the only one I ever wear. It has kept my face from sunburn on hot summer days, and it has kept the raindrops from my eyes at the Denver Half Marathon.

It’s true, the hat has seen better days, but I still remember fondly the day we first met. You were perched on a hat rack at Quincy Mah-ket in downtown Boston. I spotted you looking at me from across the room and I could tell that you wanted to buy me a drink if only you weren’t so shy, or inanimate. I approached you cautiously at first, wary of having my heart broken again by a beautiful hat that wasn’t available in the right size. After a few minutes of playful flirting, I purchased you and watched as the cashier stuffed you carelessly in a plastic gift shop bag. I didn’t take you out and wear you home because I was having a particularly fantastic hair day and you didn’t complain. Not once. It was like you got me right from the start.

And while I have since bought another newer, redder hat that I wear on formal occasions (sweat stains just don't go with my suit and tie) you’re still my go-to hat in running and sweaty situations.

Not only has my hat shielded my delicate features from the elements, but it can also be used in place of a Garmin to determine how far I’ve run. I simply remove the hat and check the sweat stains. Someday perhaps the sweat stains will go all the way to the top, indicating that we’ve completed our first marathon together. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And to think that my wife wanted to throw you away and usher in a new era.

*You might have just witnessed the worst ever use of Ol’ Bill Shakespeare’s Sonnet 18.

P.S. Don’t forget to enter the Great Bike Giveaway on the post below.
P.P.S. Yes, you can expect to see that previous postscript appended to the end of every post between now and next Thursday.

Guess Who’s Getting a Free Bike!

You are! Good news fair readers, after countless hours wasted reading the tripe that I write, it is finally going to pay off to be a reader of this fine blog. The generous folks at Lipton have reached out to me and asked me to help promote the launch of their new Lipton White Teas, made from young White Tea buds. In order to do that they are giving away $25,000 through the “Free Your Y” (your Youth) video contest at www.areyouyoungenough.com and also giving a Lipton branded Fuji Crosstown 2.0 bike (retail value $399) to one of the readers of Half-Fast. Despite my best efforts, they would not be persuaded that it was better to give the bike to me in exchange for a product review.

This bike could be yours!
When I first received the e-mail I was excited because I thought that I was getting the free bike, but then I realized that I had to give it away to one of my readers and I was all upset. I mean why should you guys get a free bike? I do all of the work around here, all you do is sit there staring blankly at your monitor with your fingers on the Alt + Tab keys in case your boss walks by. Then I was excited again because it occurred to me I might get some new readers out of this, but then I was all bummed again when I remembered that I’d really prefer a new bike over a few new readers (besides the last thing we need around here is an influx of helmet-wearing, pedal pushers). So you see, it’s been quite an emotional rollercoaster for me, but in the end I decided to give away the bike to one of you lazy readers. In addition to the Fuji Crosstown 2.0 bike (more details here), the winner will also receive 5 coupons for a free 1.5 Liter Bottle of Lipton White Iced Tea and a $75 check for professional bike assembly.

How To Enter
Here’s what you need to do to enter: Now pay attention you knuckleheads because this is complicated. You must leave a comment on THIS POST stating why YOU think YOU deserve the bike OR what you plan to do with it. Go back and read that last sentence louder if you are still confused. Anyone who leaves such a comment on this post between now and 11:59 PM MDT Thursday, May 8th will have their name placed in a hat and on Friday May 9th I’ll draw a name from the hat and announce the winner. If I deem your comment to be one of the better or funnier responses then I’ll put your name in the hat twice to increase your chances of winning. The contest is open to residents of the United States and Canada. Please e-mail me with questions about the contest.

You might have seen this same contest over at Cranky Fitness because Crabby and Merry also hosted a similar bike giveaway but with less insults hurled at their readers. If you missed out on winning that bike, then consider this your second chance because I’m all about second chances here at Half-Fast. Also, don’t forget to check out the Free Your Y video contest which could land you $25,000. Just think of the things you could buy with all that scratch, I bet you could even afford to buy me a new bike.

Disclaimer The Pepsi/Lipton Partnership will provide a check for $75.00 to be used for professional assembly of all Lipton Fuji bicycles awarded. Neither Pepsi Co. nor Unilever is liable for any injuries, damages or accidents that may result from the receipt, assembly or use of this bicycle.

Me and My Izumis do the Illest Things

You may remember (because you’re totally jealous) that I received a free pair of Pearl Izumi SyncroInfinity running shoes a little over a month ago. At the time I posted about how much I liked the look of the shoes and said that I’d save the performance review for a later date. Today is that later date.

So as to not appear like a complete sell-out I’m going to start with the cons:

• The laces are a little shorter than I’d like, but they do have the Pearl Izumi logo on the fluglebinder (+6 word score, -15 cool points) which I always think looks awesome.
• The Pearl Izumi logo on the inside of the shoe has rubbed off on some of my running socks meaning I have to wash them after every run instead of after every 3 or 4.
• The tread on the bottom of the shoe appears to be wearing out a little quicker than I think it should.

All of those are pretty minor details, especially when you take into account the pros:

• They might be the most comfortable shoes that I’ve ever run in. Seriously. You’re probably taking this with a grain of salt since you know that I was given the shoes free, but you shouldn’t. I hope that you all know me well enough to know that I would have loved to write a scathing, sarcasm-riddled rant against Pearl Izumi about how crappy their shoes are, but that’s simply not the case.
• They still look awesome. Did I mention how much I like the way these shoes look?
• Two words: Seamless Upper. I read somewhere that Pearl Izumi’s “seamless upper delivers a superb, friction-free fit,” and it seamed (get it) like something I should mention. Now I’ve never noticed any friction from seams on other shoes, but there definitely isn’t any with the SyncroInfinity.
• SKYDEX® Heel Crash Pad and High Rebound SKYDEX® forefoot propulsion pad. Absolutely NO IDEA what those are but don’t they sound comfortable? They are. Plus anything that gives any kind of “propulsion” has to be a good thing, right?
• No need for iPod. When you lace up a pair of Pearl Izumi SyncroInfinity running shoes the Rocky soundtrack starts playing as if by magic. (OK now I’m totally selling out, and lying too.)

Bonus points awarded in the comments (and street cred revoked) for anyone who can tell me where “fluglebinder” is from. Bonus points forfeited for telling me that it’s actually called an aglet. Just shut up, OK.

Do Not Attempt

Have you ever tried to walk on your hands on a treadmill? This is one of those questions that you never have to ask because the answer is either unequivocally “no” or the person to whom you’re speaking is too far back on the evolutionary chain to respond. It’s kind of like the “can we take the car pool lane” question, if there’s someone there to answer it then you don’t have to ask it.

The guy in the video is taking stupid to new levels that many experts didn’t even think were possible. He’s like the Roger Bannister of stupid, and walking on your hands on a treadmill is the new 4 minute mile.

Wait, did his shirt say “Swim Naked” on it? That dude is totally cool. He’s like my hero or something.

In a mildly related note, last week I posted a couple of the dos and don’ts that ChampionChip had listed on their website. One of them was don’t walk across the timing mat on your hands, and I noted that whoever wrote that had a funny sense of humor. In the comments of that post Frayed Laces, who runs with or without a pelvis, said:

I like to think that instead of the writers having a sense of humor, people actually tried that stuff. Remember, most people are idiots.

Well said Frayed Laces.

RUNNER’S NOD TO THE DAILY RUNNER FOR DIGGING UP THE VIDEO.

Pick-Up Lines for Runners

You’re milling around prior to the start of the race or maybe after it’s all over and you’re checking out the other runners because let’s face it, runners are sexy. Maybe not right after a race, but as compared to the general populace I’d venture a guess that the readers of Half-Fast are in better shape (read: sexier) than say the readers of the Cupcake Blog (although I’m quite sure that I just lost several readers with that link - I’m looking at you Kelly). Regardless, you can’t just walk up to another attractive runner and strike up a conversation because you don’t know if you have anything in common with them. I mean, obviously you both have running in common, and training and the race you’ve both entered, but sometimes that’s not enough and you need a good icebreaker.

In order to help all you single runners out I’ve been compiling a list of effective pick up lines that you can try, and because I go the extra mile (figuratively speaking only) I also tested some of the lines out so that I can rate their effectiveness or complete lack thereof. As many of you know I’m married, and because I’d like to stay that way I’ve only been able to test these lines out sporadically on Mrs. Half-Fast. And if you’re lamenting how much she must have to put up with in being married to me then let me just tell you, YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

Pick-up lines are ranked on a scale of one to shagerrific with one being the worst and shagerrific being, well, shagerrific.

Pick-Up Line: So you like speedwork? Because I’m always up for a quickie.
Response: “You’re a dork” accompanied by a rolling of the eyes.
Rating: 2 out of shagerrific.

Pick-Up Line: Let’s kick off these running shoes and I’ll show you MY “motion control.”
Response: She grabbed my butt! W00t! Of course at the time we had both absorbed copious amounts of wine so maybe that had something to do with it.
Rating: A perfect shagerrific out of shagerrific. *boom chika-bow-wow*

Pick-Up Line: There are 2 ways to reach your target heart rate: you can run or I can take off my shirt.
Response: This line proved to be 100 percent effective in getting me a purple nurple, so if you’re into that kind of thing, this is the line for you.
Rating: 1 out of shagerrific.

Pick-Up Line: I’d like to see YOUR “Bodyglide.”
Response: “Are you working on a blog post?”
Crap. Busted. The rest of these pick-up lines haven’t been properly tested because my wife is on to me. Use them at your own risk and discretion. (Half-Fast not responsible for the black eye you or your ego are sure to receive while performing these lines.)

Pick-Up Line: Wanna’ play Strip 5K? (Important Note: Only challenge a slower runner to play Strip 5K, otherwise you just end up naked AND a loser.)
Pick-Up Line: I’d like to see your race-y pictures at the finish.
Pick-Up Line: Are your legs sore? Because they’ve been running through my mind all day.
Pick-Up Line: You like fast? I can be fast.
Pick-Up Line: Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I pass you more than once?
Pick-Up Line: So... do you run here often?

You know what? Unless anyone has any better suggestions in the comments, then maybe you’d be better off striking up a conversation about one of the many running topics that you are sure to have in common.

This has been another completely useless post at Half-Fast. There goes 3 minutes of your life that you can’t get back. You’re welcome.

I’m Quiiting Running

It’s time for me to quit running. It’s not that I don’t still love to run because I do, it’s just that I’ve taken up a new pastime that is occupying all my spare time. I am no longer able to make the time to squeeze in any of my training runs and to be honest I don’t miss them at all. Don’t worry, my new hobby is a totally healthy way to replace intervals and long runs, it’s a little something called the Wii:

My brother-in-law gave us a Wii this past weekend. My boys have so much fun playing his Wii that he thought they’d like to have their own. It was a nice idea, but he clearly didn’t realize that they would be unable to wrestle the controls away from their father. After nearly 5 years of parenthood I’m finally starting to reap some benefits from it; the boys have cool toys that I can play with.

So I am sorry to tell you all that I no longer have time to run, what with all the Wii-ing I’ll be doing. I almost missed my long run entirely this past weekend and only managed to squeeze it in on Sunday night when my wife forced me to take a Wii break. But I don’t imagine that I’ll have too many more forced Wii breaks because my wiife is starting to come over to the dark side now too.

Before you know it the dishes will be piled up in the sink, I’ll be a no-show at work and we’ll be ebaying the kids toys to pay for new Wii games and cheap healthcare. We’re fixing to go down hard in our new addiction and Wii don’t even care. Perhaps I’ll take up smoking too while I’m at it, I hear that smoking helps you lose weight.

I’d love to tell you more but it’s my turn at Wii bowling so I gotta’ run, but not in the physical activity sense of the word, more in the screen-gazing, comatose, where-did-the-day-go, forgot-we-had-kids-to-feed sense of the word.

I’ve got a fever and the only prescription for it is more Wii.

Boston Marathon is RIGHT NOW!

Just a quick shout out to everyone running the Boston Marathon this morning especially Nitmos, J-Money and CrankyRunner because they all read my blog.

If you’re interested in tracking any of them visit the Boston Marathon website and enter their bib numbers. Nitmos is 5962, CrankyRunner is 12042, and I don’t think J-Money posted hers so you’ll have to search for her by name if you know it, or follow along below.

Also at the Boston Marathon website you can find a live feed of the action which I’m watching right now. I’m at work because I don’t get today off like all the folks in Massachusetts, but I’m in Massachusetts at heart which is why it’s OK to be watching the marathon from my office. It’s OK for you to watch it too, just tell your boss that Vanilla gave you permission to take it easy this morning.

As of right now:
Cranky Runner finished in 3:32:23 (8:06 pace)
Nitmos finished in 3:59:03 (9:07 pace)
J-Money finished in 3:23:09 (7:45 pace)
Kristina finished in 4:01:22 (9:13 pace)

Let me know in the comments if you know of others who are running the Boston Marathon today, and best of luck to everyone. Update: I added Kristina who I had forgotten was running today.

48 Steps to your Worst Run

Actually, this post would be more accurately titled 48 Stories to your Worst Run. Yesterday we had our semiannual emergency evacuation which meant that I had to descend 48 stories under my own power. At 22 steps per story (yes, I counted them) that means that I traversed 1,056 steps. Let me tell you, being a runner doesn’t exercise your stair-descending-muscles (that’s the technical term for them) in the same way that running does. It also probably doesn’t help that I live in a ranch style home and never have to use stairs.

Of course, I am nothing if not vain so you wouldn’t have known it by watching me yesterday. I gracefully floated down the fire escape stairs, barely touching each step before moving on to the next one. I was passing my panting coworkers in droves and yelling annoyingly “left... left” each time I came up behind one of them. I actually felt pretty good when I got to the bottom and was mildly amused at the patchwork of gravy sweat-stains that my colleagues were now sporting. I think that my mistake came in sitting at my desk for the remainder of my day and failing to stretch.

My legs felt tired when I got home, and I could already tell that there was going to be some soreness the next day but I wasn’t about to let that knock me off my training schedule. I went out and ran 5 miles in the blowing snow, quite proud of myself that I wasn’t like my unhealthy coworkers who I’d overheard saying things like “well, I guess I got my workout done for the week.” The run was scheduled as a 3 mile tempo run (with a warm up and cool down mile added to make 5 total miles) and as soon as I started my first tempo mile I knew that I was in trouble. By the end of the run my legs had turned into lead weights, dead sexy lead weights, but lead weights nonetheless.

Despite a little residual soreness today, I’m doing great. The talk around the coffee maker this morning was about how sore everyone was from yesterday’s fire drill. When they looked at me for comment I didn’t really lie about being sore, but I did shrug dismissively and say “Eh, I ran 5 miles when I got home last night.” That’s right, I’m that guy.

Timing Chips? Again?

I know that it probably feels like I’ve gone on incessantly about the timing chip issue, but this post is different. In my research for the timing chip article on CRN (yes, I occasionally research these things) I came across the website for ChampionChip, and I found something there that I wanted to share. Whoever put together their list of dos and don’ts obviously had a sense of humor and apparently an extra apostrophe that they weren’t sure what to do with. (He said, ending his sentence with a preposition.)

Two of my favorite don’ts from the list are:

• The chip can be damaged by extreme shocks and by cooking it in a microwave oven.
• Do not cross the systems by walking on your hands. Your chip will not be read.

I must admit that I am disappointed. Walking on my hands across the start and finish lines is one of my favorite things to do, it ranks right up there with putting my timing chip in my Hot Pocket and then microwaving it. It adds a little something to the flavor.

The other cool thing that I found at their website was a link to TimePoint, which seems to be a permanent timing mat that is located at various parks and tracks. You purchase your own ChampionChip and then when you run at a park that is equipped with TimePoint you can see your splits displayed on a digital board as you cross the mat. You can check out the video below for a better idea of how it works. Perhaps some of the English runners who read Half-Fast could go and check it out for us Yanks, since the nearest TimePoint equipped park is in Newcastle. I would ask my loyal readers in Budapest or The Netherlands to go and check out the parks in their areas but unfortunately I don’t speak Hungarian or Hollandaise. I’m going to wrap this up now because all this talk of Hungary and Hollandaise sauce is making me crave a timing-chip-stuffed Hot Pocket. Mmmmmm delicious!

So you see, the intent of this post was not to beleaguer the timing chip issue into playing Barbaro, despite the fact that the Association of Running Event Directors agreed with my stance on that issue.